


Maybe Things Can Change

by Makura_Akuhei



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, BAMF Yamanaka Ino, Bitchy Sakura Haruno, Canon Related, Confused Nara Shikamaru, Crushes, Depressed Uzumaki Naruto, Depression, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, Everyone Needs A Hug, Firsts, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Injury Recovery, Ino Is A Good Friend, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Not Beta Read, Panic Attacks, Past Child Abuse, Pining, Pining Shikamaru, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Shippuden, Protective Shikamaru, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sad Uzumaki Naruto, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Serious Injuries, Shikamaru is gay, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Suicide, Uchiha Sasuke Being an Asshole, Uchiha Sasuke Returns to Konoha, Uzumaki Naruto Needs a Hug, Whump
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-06-24
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:27:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 35,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24198220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Makura_Akuhei/pseuds/Makura_Akuhei
Summary: 'Did Uzumaki Naruto even exist?' he wondered if he ever existed as anything other than the kyuubi. He tried to think back but he always remembered the color red. The red chakra of the kyuubi deep inside. The flames that destroyed everything. He remembered the snarls and growls that echoed in his dreams. He winced. Sometimes he could almost feel the heat of the fox's flames inside himself.Inside it felt like his heart was fracturing into pieces. Whether he'd like to admit it he longed to be forgiven by the villagers. He longed for his hell to end, but he could see no way out. He was trapped in this life. A life that was chosen for him, a cruel fate he was born into. That is if he was ever anything other than the fox.orShikamaru finds out Naruto's secrets and tries to help as he watches Naruto's mask crumble and begin to heal.Not great at summaries, but the tags tell you a lot.
Relationships: Nara Shikamaru & Uzumaki Naruto, Nara Shikamaru/Uzumaki Naruto, NaruShika, ShikaNaru
Comments: 40
Kudos: 307
Collections: Naruto bests





	1. Can People Change?

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer : The characters depicted, settings, and some terminology in this fan work are the property of Masashi Kishimoto. The views and opinions of this fan based work in no way reflect the views or opinions of Masashi Kishimoto. This is a fanfiction written purely for entertainment purposes and nothing more. The author of this fan based work receives no profit gain in writing this.
> 
> WARNING: Contains content NOT suitable for children under the age of 18, and readers are strongly cautioned. The following contains but is not limited to, suicide attempt, light sexual acts, descriptive rape, inappropriate language, self harming and violence and child abuse. Seriously don't be upset with me if something triggers you please be careful. 
> 
> AN: This is an old story I had posted over fanfictionnet but decided to re-write and move over here

Naruto struggled to get out of bed. The feeling of sore muscles and the suffocating after effects of his dreams weighed him down. A monster plagued his sleep every night. A monster whose body was pure hellfire. It growled and snarled deep within him, but he knew he needed to get up and try. He had dreams he was aiming for, but even his best efforts were beginning to seem hopeless these days.

Naruto tried to mentally shake the growls that vibrated deep within him. His dream was to become Hokage, and gain the respect of everyone in the village. Obtaining this goal was the only way he could prove to himself he wasn't really a monster, because he didn't want to be a _monster_ anymore. He didn't want to be _alone_ anymore.

**Naruto POV**

  
  


I try no to think about it too much, but as far back as I can remember I've been all alone. No mother to hug me, no father to teach me, no siblings to look after or to pester me. Just me. I sometimes wonder if monsters even have mothers? Did I have one? Did she even love me? No... it's impossible...to love a monster.

Maybe Neji was right, you are born into your fate. You can't erase it. You can't hide from it, and you definitely can't change it. I am the nine tails and I attacked this village nearly 15 years ago. I understand that I caused a lot of people pain that day, but I can't change who I am, and the villagers can't change either. I tried so hard to change their minds about me. I wonder if I even deserve to be forgiven.

Was I really so naïve as to think smiling and goofing off would make the villagers like me more? I still can't leave my house without being glared at or worse. I avoid walking outside at night for fear the villagers would gang up on me. Which they've tried several times in recent years, but Iruka or Kakashi had always stepped in. I still don't know to this day why I want to protect this village and everyone in it with all my heart.

I tried to hate them like they hate me, but it wasn't something I could do. I just feel sad for them. I took away their loved ones, and now they have to see me every day alive and well while their loved ones are rotted in ground. It must be really painful for them. Even so, I would give my life to save these people. The very same people who have made my life a living hell, but that seems to be my fate in the end.

I am a _monster_ after all.

**End Naruto's POV**

Lost in his thoughts Naruto made his way to the kitchen. He struggled to hold back the tears burning in his eyes. Naruto slid down onto the cold cement floor hugging his knees to his chest. He glanced out his window barely making out the faint rays of sunlight through tears that fell down his cheeks. He let out a tiny whimper leaning his back against the wall. He was so tired. Tired from his thoughts and lack of sleep. He had tried to sleep the night before but he couldn't manage at all. His sleep disturbed by nightmares of growls and fangs. He kept tossing and turning. Eventually he gave up and stared into the darkness of his room alone with his thoughts until it was time to get his day started. He was supposed to meet up with his team for training around 7am. He really didn't want to go. It didn't seem like it mattered anymore. He was never going to be Hokage. He was always going to be alone. He momentarily contemplated showing up and feigning illness to get out of training. Maybe Kakashi would buy it and let him leave early. Maybe he'd feel better with more sleep.

'Yea right.' he let out an exhausted sigh.

Naruto sat stiffly in the same position for what felt like hours waiting until it was time to leave. The cement floor felt like ice and the cold seeped into his skin. He ignored it and tried his best to regain his composure. He would have to leave soon to meet up at the bridge, and he couldn't show his team mates this face. After a few more minutes and a few calming deep breaths Naruto picked his cold trembling body up from the ground. He wiped his eyes with his bare arm and willed his body to stop shaking. It took a considerable amount of time before was able to plaster that ridiculous grin on his face. He quickly threw on his jacket and checked his reflection before leaving to make certain he looked composed enough.

'A grinning fool' is what he thought he looked like.

He locked his apartment and left. It wasn't long before he noticed the glares and whispering. He did his best at being friendly. He smiled and even wished everyone he passed a good morning. All it earned him was more viscous looks. He reminded himself to smile. He hoped if he kept smiling they'd leave him in peace. Some of the people he passed tossed rocks as he walked by and others shoved him away. It hurt so much. He just wanted someone to be nice to him. Unshed tears burned behind his eyelids as he clenched them tight. Smile. He just had to smile. He just kept on his way. He never got angry or fought back. He didn't deserve to fight back. It's not their fault they felt this way. Their hearts were damaged by what happened the day the Kyuubi attacked. Naruto understood that the villagers needed to be able to blame someone for everything and everyone they lost that day. It hurt him. It hurt so much but these people needed to heal too. They had no way of healing if they couldn't blame someone. He was responsible for their pain.

'It's my burden.' he reminded himself.

His thoughts were interrupted as a jagged stone was pitched at the back of his head. He hissed in pain as he staggered forward. Naruto was seeing double. His eyes watered and he felt dizzy. He managed to keep his smile in place even though his head was throbbing. Naruto resumed his walk not daring to stop for long. He grazed the back of his head gently. He let out a pained gasp as his fingers made contact with his scalp. He could feel warmth on his finger tips.

'I'm so sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.' he repeated inwardly as his face scrunched to fight off tears.

His walk took him closer to the market area, which he dreaded. It was usually the worst part of his walk, but he wanted to try. He needed to smile and be friendly. He avoided direct eye contact as he walked by, but he continued to smile none-the-less. It was getting easier now that the throbbing had died down some. He was relieved at that.

He noticed an old woman struggling to hang the banner on her shop front with the with the way the breeze was blowing. She lost her grip and it flew right towards him. Naruto caught it without trouble and walked it to the lady. He smiled his best smile as he extended the banner toward her. He didn't dare look her in the eyes.

"Why thank you...." the words died in her throat once she realized who she was thanking. “Get away.” her voice was cold and harsh. He felt her rip the banner from his hand. He dared to look up. Her eyes were piercing through his soul. It was the same look everyone gave him cold and full of hatred.

"You heard her, go on get out of here, monster!" yelled a man who came from inside the shop. He held his fists out in front as if to show the boy what would happen if he didn't leave immediately.

Naruto kept his gaze trained on the ground as he left the old woman's shop front. His smile faded and tears threatened to spill out, but he couldn't let them. This was something he needed to deal with.

'I'm sorry. I'm sorry.' he continued his internal apologies as he passed through the center of town.

He finally settled his sight on his fingers stained red with blood. It wasn't too bad the blood on his fingers had already begun to cake up and dry. He managed a small smile. He reminded himself these sorts of things were just part of his life. He willed himself to keep smiling.

' It's my fault.' his fists clenched at his sides and he fought back the prickling in his eyes all while forcing a smile.

His eyes held sadness while his mouth was in an unnatural smile. If you weren't paying attention you would think nothing was wrong by the boy's actions and large grin. But those eyes revealed everything if someone would just look, but they wouldn't. No one ever noticed. Deep down whether he knew it or not he was screaming inside for just one person to notice. Just one person to care about him. He sometimes thought that if he could find one person to care for him he could fight fate, but that thought hadn't crossed his mind in months. He exhaled not realizing he'd been holding his breath upon reaching the bridge relatively unscathed, and nearly forty minutes early. He visually swept the bridge for any sign of his team mates, but he was alone.

Naruto crouched down by the river bank and did the best he could to rinse the blood off his hand and out of his hair. The blood had crusted and dried leaving a rusty colored stain on the back of his head. The water felt cool on his head and relieved the residual ache. Since he was so early he allowed himself to sit on the bank for a rest. He needed to calm his nerves.

He hesitantly glared down at his reflection in the water and was only able to see the Kyuubi's fire red eyes stare back at him. He cringed in disgust at his reflection.

' _Monster_.'

Naruto punched at the water's surface while tears threatened to flow, but again he willed them back deep inside grinning all the while.

'Did Uzumaki Naruto even exist?' he wondered if he ever existed as anything other than the kyuubi. He tried to think back but he always remembered the color red. The red chakra of the kyuubi deep inside. The flames that destroyed everything. He remembered the snarls and growls that echoed in his dreams. He winced. Sometimes he could almost feel the heat of the fox's flames inside himself.

Inside it felt like his heart was fracturing into pieces. Whether he'd like to admit it he longed to be forgiven by the villagers. He longed for his hell to end, but he could see no way out. He was trapped in this life. A life that was chosen for him, a cruel fate he was born into. That is if he was ever anything other than the fox.

It wasn't long before his ears detected Sakura throwing herself at Sasuke who just ignored her the entire time. It had been that way since Naruto damn near killed himself to bring Sasuke back to her. Sakura asked for a promise of a life time of him, and he made good on that promise to her, but she continued to treat him the same as always though mostly as an annoyance and sometimes like he doesn't exist. It's not like she ever went out of her way to be especially cruel, but it didn't feel like friends was the best word to describe their relationship.

Sakura never really talked to Naruto or even seems to noticed him. Maybe she got what she wanted and now she didn't have time for him? Naruto shook his head pushing all the thoughts that troubled him down as deep as he could, and brought back his smile and readied himself for today's plans. Hopefully they were just training. He really didn't feel like going on any missions. Sakura's voice grew louder and Naruto stood.

"UH…where's Naruto…he's such a loser. He's always late. He's so irresponsible. Not at all like you Sasuke-kuuun." she whined at Sasuke, who seemed entirely indifferent.

'A loser? After all this time that's how you still think of me? After I brought Sasuke back to you? What do I have to do to be acknowledged? What do I have to do to be your friend?'

Naruto dropped his head in shame. He would never be acknowledged by anyone, not truly acknowledged. Kakashi and Iruka mostly pitied him. His eyes stared into the stream in front of him. He momentarily wished the stream was deep enough to drown himself in, but it wasn't. He sighed turning around with his ridiculous smile and jogged up to bridge waving at his team mates.

"You're late Naruto!" Sakura scolded the blonde.

"Sorry." He managed to say, but the words came out clumsily as he unconsciously rubbed the back of his head.

Sakura gave the blonde a punch in the shoulder as she continued to lecture him for being late for their meet up. Sasuke though he looked indifferent briefly wondered why Naruto hadn't spoken up about being there before any of them. However, before he could think this through any further Kakashi poofed himself into existence or it would seem that way to a non-shinobi.

"Sorry I'm late guys I got lost on the path of life…." he mumbled his standard excuse, which no one believed anymore.

"Yeah right!" yelled Sakura turning her attention away from Naruto angrily clenching her right hand into a chakra filled fist.

Kakashi looked in Naruto's direction waiting for a reply from the blonde about his being late but it never came. Kakashi realized how out of character it was for the blonde. He kept his gaze on the blonde boy taking in his posture and noting the redness in of his eyes. It was rare for him to see Naruto looking anything but energetic and boisterous.

"Eh, Naruto aren't you going to yell at me too?"Kakashi teased him trying to elicit some kind of normal response from him.

"He just got here too sensei, but Sasuke-kun and I were right on time." chimed Sakura with a shit-eating grin.

"I see. Is that so?" he responded quietly waiting to gauge Naruto's response.

"Yea…hehe...I woke up late." Naruto lied with a wobbly smile.

He eyed the blonde boy suspiciously, but decided the boy was likely tired. The team had been training a lot lately. Kakashi noted that even Sasuke looked like he could use some rest. He stood silently contemplating canceling the training session since half of them looked worn out, and he really wanted to get to the book store when it opened.

"Okay well anyway training's been canceled for today! I've been assigned an important mission, so take the day off." Kakashi replied indifferent to their qualms.

'The new Icha Icha paradise came out today!' he grinned beneath his mask and with that he poofed himself from existence again leaving the three children alone on the bridge.

"What the hell! He made us wait just to cancel?!" yelled Sakura shaking her fist in the air.

"I don't have time for this.” Sasuke stated before heading home, likely to train on his own.

“Wait, Sasuke-kun. Did you want to grab breakfast together?” she called to his retreating back but he either didn't hear her or ignored her. She called again and he turned around to humor her.

Naruto was secretly glad it ended up this way. He was in no mood to mess around with pointless training. He didn't think it was possible to feel worse than he'd felt this morning but he did. He felt awful. His chest ached with each inward breath he took. Sakura's words to Sasuke however little it seemed cut Naruto like a kunai. He thought at the very least he could trust his own team not to talk about him behind his back. Maybe they hated him too, he thought. His heart ached. His head ached. He wanted to cry, but he kept smiling.

"Well I'll catch you guys later then!" Naruto yelled cheerfully as he turned to walk away waving as he did so.

Sasuke suspiciously eyed the dried blood on the back of Naruto's head and wondered what had happened for moment before the thought was pushed from his head. Sakura kept asking him question after question. He shook the pinkette off before heading home. His thoughts strayed to Naruto strange behavior today and the blood, but it wasn't really any of his business.

Naruto may have managed to smile as he walked home but inside he was dying. Behind that smile of his was child curled up in a ball of pain. He just felt so alone, so cold, so disgusting. He avoided eye contact with the villagers on his way home. After what had happened earlier this morning he wasn't sure he could look at anyone. He was barely able to smile. He held his breath as he past through the middle of the market, the most crowded part.

He tried his best to shut out the harsh names they whispered as they passed him, but in his state it was hopeless. He heard every hurtful word they uttered and the pain it made him feel was almost unbearable. It hurt so much he could barely breathe. It was like his heart was cracking with each whisper. He suppressed tears and clenched his trembling hands at his side.

The words he heard echoed through his mind on repeat his whole walk home. _Monster_. _Filthy_. _Murderer_. _Go away. Get out of here. No one wants you here._ _ **Go die**_ _._

Naruto finally made it home without any physical altercations, but this was much worse. His breaths came out ragged and quick. His lungs burned and he felt like he couldn't breathe. He stumbled into his apartment wide eyed and panicked. _Go die,_ the words echoed painfully in his mind. He leaned against the wall for support as he walked. The burning in his lungs made it hard to move, but no matter how hard he tried it didn't feel like he was getting enough air.

He slowly staggered to his bathroom. Naruto clutched the sides of his sink and leaned his head on the mirror. He tried to calm down. He tried not to cry, but he couldn't hold them back any longer and tears forced through his closed eyes down his cheeks. He opened his eyes and stared back at himself. His reflection seemed to morph in front of him. The kyuubi's crimson eyes stared back at him. His hands gripped the sides of the sink tighter. He grit his teeth as ugly tears streamed down his face. He fixed gaze on the drain in the sink. He was afraid to look back up at his reflection. He was afraid to see those eyes staring back at him.

“Do I exist or am I the demon fox?” he slowly lifted his head to look in the mirror. Red eyes stared right back at him. That was his answer. Uzumaki Naruto never existed in the first place. Just this demon.

Naruto headbutted the mirror. The shards of broken glass shattered and flew into his skin and the sink and the ground he stood on. Naruto's grip on the sink loosened and he fell down to the floor. The glass crunched beneath his body. Blood dripped down his forehead and slid down his face. Naruto barely registered pain through his rapid breaths and choked cries. The cuts on his body healed fast and he hated it.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." he cried.

He was sorry for the lives taken by the kyuubi. He was sorry he was alive. He was sorry he caused so much pain to those around him. He was sorry he was the cursed nine tails. Naruto could hear the villagers whispers and yells echoing in his head. He cringed as they echoed and echoed on and on.

' _Go die_!' was the last phrase that echoed.

Naruto looked at his feet where glass had cut him, but the cuts were already healed and the blood was all that was left. His lungs still burned and his stomach felt tight. He just wanted to stop feeling like this. He looked around at the bathroom floor. The broken glass glittered in the sunlight streaming in from his window. It was almost as if the heavens answered his turmoil. He was granted a way out. He reached for a long thick shard of glass and grasped it tightly not caring that it dug into his hand.

'Uzumaki Naruto doesn't exist.'

  
  


~Tsunade's Office~

  
  


  
  


Tsunade sat at her desk shuffling through a mountain of paperwork in front of her, when Shizune led Shikamaru in the office. It was barely 10am and he'd already been summoned to see the Hokage. He inwardly groaned thinking about how unfair his promotion had been. He literally lost his match by withdrawing. He waited for the woman to notice his presence.

"Ah you're finally here." Tsunade's tone was impatient as she held out an envelope without looking up from her work.

"Yes Hokage-sama." he sighed taking the papers out of her hand.

"You know you're a chunin now. You could try sounding a bit more enthused now and again." she lectured him halfheartedly.

"I didn't exactly ask to be a chunin." he replied lazily.

"Well it doesn't matter, I need you to take these papers to Naruto anyway." she retorted.

"That guy? He's so..." Shikamaru trailed off.

"He's so what?" Tsunade growled growing impatient.

"Troublesome." he answered thinking about Naruto and his loud personality.

"Do your job without complaint Shikamaru." she waved him off without another word as she got back to her mountain of paperwork.

Tsunade could have sent anyone to Naruto's apartment with that envelope, but Shikamaru was very observant and she wondered what he would see. Kakashi reported that Naruto hadn't seemed like himself lately, but he couldn't get him to open up about it.

'Why do I have the troublesome tasks? I was just minding my own business when she sent her goons out for me to do her bidding. Couldn't one of those goons deliver some paperwork?' He wondered why he was being sent personally.

'I guess it can't be helped. They are labeled as urgent so I guess a chunin or higher has to deliver them. It's still a pain.' he grumbled to himself.

~Back with Naruto~

He hated himself more than anyone would ever know. He thought he could continue shouldering the villagers hatred, but it was too hard. He just couldn't keep it up. He felt like he was crumbling. He knew how he could atone for his past sins. He looked at the glass fragment in his hand and for the first time in years he smiled, and it wasn't forced.

Naruto took the shard and stabbed his own stomach. He hissed as the air seemly was sucked from his lungs as the pain radiated through his body. He could feel the fox heal the wound as he removed the glass. He clenched his jaw hard. It was going to take a lot more pain than this to stop him, it was like that pain was his redemption, and he could taste it. He stabbed his gut repeatedly suppressing his whimpers as best as he could. The blood started pooling around his knees. The Kyuubi struggled to heal the self inflicted wounds at the rate they were being inflicted. He roared inside Naruto's mind. Naruto scrunched his eyes shut as tight as he could.

Naruto vaguely hear someone calling out for him. He froze a moment to listen before shaking the thought from his head. There was no way he really heard anyone call out for him. The blood around his knees and coating his hands felt hot sticky. The smell made him want to vomit and he heaved up blood. He had to keep stabbing keep cutting his body. If he slowed down the fox would be able to heal him. Hot thick tears rolled down his cheeks and he started crying loud and ugly. He thought about the villagers and their pain. He hoped this could absolve him of his past, and maybe he could rest in peace.

'I'm never going to hurt anyone again.'

Shikamaru stood in the doorway of Naruto's home. He checked the address again and he was at the right apartment. The door was ajar. He eyed the open door curiously before giving it a light knock. He waited, and waited no answer. He knocked again, and after a few more seconds of waiting he grew impatient and let himself in. He cautiously looked around. He wondered if maybe Naruto was in some sort of trouble with enemy shinobi. His door was open and he didn't answer his knocks. Shikamaru inhaled deeply and exhaled.

"Naruto?" he called out hesitantly.

“Something isn't right, god this guy is always finding trouble.” he muttered to himself.

He entered the kitchen and as he turned the corner he could hear pained groans from the direction of the bathroom. Shikamaru dropped the papers and grabbed a kunai out of his pouch. He moved quietly as possible straining to hear anything. He reached the closed door and stood outside listening. It definitely sounded like someone was in a lot of pain and crying. It was strange he couldn't hear anyone else or feel their chakra.

“I'm sorry.” was whimpered behind the bathroom door, and that was enough for Shikamaru.

He rushed forward ready to take out any enemy shinobi, but Naruto was alone. Shikamaru's eyes widened in shock at the grisly scene before him. It was a sight that would likely haunt him forever. The blonde was barely conscious stabbing himself repeatedly in the abdomen. Although, the most disturbing thing was the smile on Naruto's face.

"Stop! What the hell?!" Shikamaru rushed forward the glass under his feet screeched halting Naruto's frenzied stabbing.

Naruto's eyes widened in pure shock. His hand gripped the glass shard as tight as he could. He was so close to redeeming himself to the village. He could finally stop their suffering, and he could finally stop his suffering. His gaze never left Shikamaru's. He wondered what he was doing there.

"Naruto stop you're going to kill yourself!" he reached for the shard in the blonde's hand.

"Leave me alone!" Naruto pushed Shikamaru back smearing blood across his chest in the process.

Shikamaru regained his footing and quickly froze Naruto's actions with his shadow possession jutsu. He ripped the large shard from his hand, but he couldn't tell how much glass was in his gut at this point. The sight alone made his stomach heave, and heart race. He'd never seen anything so haunting or utterly shocking in his life.

"Damn it! Why would you do something like this?!" he hissed putting pressure on Naruto's gut trying to stop the bleeding, but there was so much blood. The blood seeped through his fingers, and Naruto's eyes shut as he groaned in pain.

“Shit...shit this really bad, Naruto. Hey! Naruto! Wake up!” he yelled voice panicked.

Shikamaru watched as Naruto's eyes fell closed and his breathing slowed. Shikamaru scooped him off the floor with trembling hands and ran. His heart hammered against his rib cage. He ignored the looks of people he passed by on the way to the hospital which thankfully wasn't far from Naruto's apartment. The relief that the hospital was close by was quickly forgotten as Shikamaru felt wetness seeping into his clothes. Blood. Naruto's blood. He could feel the warmth of it on his skin, the thought had him choking down bile.

His feet pounded the ground as he ran as fast as his body could manage. Naruto's face had drained of all color, and his lips and chin crusted with blood. Shikamaru gently slapped his face trying to keep him conscious.

“Come on wake up....you're not dying like this.” he spoke words he knew he couldn't guarantee.

Naruto was stirring a bit and opened his eyes weakly to look up at Shikamaru. His eyes were unfocused and bloodshot. He gripped the blonde in his arms tighter, he could almost see the hospital at this point.

"Hey stay awake!" Shikamaru pleaded.

"Sorry." The blonde whimpered through coughs that brought up fresh blood.

 _Shit. Shit. Shit. Why the hell was this happening? How could anyone do this to themselves. How could anyone survive this long with wounds like that? Is Naruto going to die? Am I going to watch him die? Is he literally about to die in my arms?_ The brunette's mind raced with questions and anxiety. He could hear his heart beating in his ears starting to block out everything around him.

"I don't understand. Why?"

“Naruto Uzumaki doesn't exist.”


	2. Tears for a Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You better wake up, you damn brat!" Tsunade roared at him as her hands continued to pour chakra over him.  
> Naruto wandered around in the dark. He was lost and scared. There was a faint light off in the distance. He hesitantly began to walk in the direction of the light. He started remembering bits and pieces of what he'd done, but this wasn't what he expected the afterlife to look like. He wasn't sure why but he felt empty. Wasn't dying supposed to end his suffering?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: The characters depicted, settings, and some terminology in this fan work are the property of Masashi Kishimoto. The views and opinions of this fan based work in no way reflect the views or opinions of Masashi Kishimoto. This is a fanfiction written purely for entertainment purposes and nothing more. The author of this fan based work receives no profit gain in writing this.  
> WARNING: Contains content NOT suitable for children under the age of 17, and readers are strongly cautioned. The following contains but is not limited to, suicide attempt, light sexual acts, descriptive rape, inappropriate language, self harming and violence and child abuse. Seriously don't be upset with me if something triggers you.  
> AN: I guess I should clarify this story takes place right before Shippuden, but Sasuke has been returned in this fiction. Also obviously some people are out of character! Especially SAKURA, I amplified her bad traits. I feel like without losing Sasuke she wouldn't have learned and grown the same way as in canon.

Shikamaru stood in the hospital lobby covered in blood shaking. Shikamaru had always considered himself to be an astute individual and fairly adept at seeing the big picture, but the scene he witnessed threw him off his axis. Nothing was making sense. Naruto had always _seemed_ so happy. He was always smiling and helping anyone he thought needed help, even enemies. Something wasn't adding up. Why would Naruto do this to himself? He was an inspiration to many to 'Never Give Up.' So how could he instill hope in others but not himself?

  
  


_"Uzumaki Naruto never existed." he managed to mutter through the pain._

  
  


_What the hell...does that even mean?_

  
  


Shikamaru's eyes closed tightly for a second while he reflected on Naruto's vague words. They struck him hard even though he hadn't a clue what Naruto had meant by them. Shikamaru wished he'd known Naruto was so unhappy. How could he not have known? He knows EVERYTHING being a genius and all. He wondered how many signs he'd missed over the years. Shikamaru felt partially responsible, though anyone could tell he wasn't at fault. He just happened to be the person who found Naruto like that, but Shikamaru didn't feel this way. The guilt weighed heavy on his chest.

His mind raced and thoughts jumbled together. His uneven breaths grew faster by the minute. The ringing in his ears soon drowned out all other sounds around him. He thought about the deep stab wounds in Naruto's gut and the blood everywhere. It was then he remembered that he was covered in the metallic liquid. His stomach retched and he felt dizzy. He hazily wondered if he was going to pass out.

Strong hands gripped his shoulders keeping him from falling. He startled at the touch still unable to hear, but he gave little resistance if any as he was forced down to sit on the floor. His vision was blurred and he fought back bile in throat. Suddenly a strong odor invaded his nostrils and instantly cleared his sight and hearing. His eyes refocused to see the Hokage herself staring him straight in the face. Her expression was grim at best. Her fingers dug into his shoulders tightly.

"What the hell happened?!" Tsunade demanded tensely.

Tsunade had rushed to the hospital after getting a message that Naruto was critically wounded. Her thoughts rushed to enemy shinobi attacking, but the attending doctors suspected the wounds were self inflicted. Naruto was so precious to her, and the thoughts of him in bad shape set her on edge. She slowly inhaled and steeled her resolve to find out what happened. Naruto was being prepped for surgery at this very moment so she didn't have much time, but she needed to hear it from Shikamaru that Naruto didn't do this to himself.

“I-I'm....sorry.” he just barely managed to choke out between the sobs that ripped through him.

She clenched her jaw and pushed back her increasing feeling of despair. Tsunade did her best to calm him down. She placed her hand tenderly on his shoulder and rubbed slow circles in an attempt to stave off the boy's growing panic. The scene of Naruto stabbing himself began to replay vividly in Shikamaru's mind again. The smell of blood he was still covered in did nothing to aid him in his current state. His breaths quickened and he gulped for air as if he were drowning. He tried to convey what happened, but still the words wouldn't form properly. The genius's brain seemed to be on overload.

"Shikamaru, hey come on, breath in slowly 1....2...3 and out 1...2...3." She coached his breathing until it was even again.

"O-ok-kay.” he took in shaky breath and held it for a few seconds and slowly exhaled . “I-I went …to…deliver the papers and his door…it was open."

"And?" she spoke softly encouraging him to continue.

"And…I called out but t-there was no answer…and…I…heard…"

"What did you hear?" asked Tsunade coaxing him gently.

"Sobbing." he choked on the word.

Tsunade pulled Shikamaru into a motherly hug and rubbed his back lightly trying to calm him. She held Shikamaru's shaking form. There was no more room for her denial. Naruto had done this to himself. She fought the stinging in her eyes. She could feel the wetness of tears on her shoulder. Shikamaru regained enough composure to let go of the sannin. His eyes reflected the concern he was feeling.

"Can you save him?" he asked hesitantly not sure he wanted to hear her answer.

The look she gave him conveyed how grave the situation was, but if anyone could pull this off it was Tsunade. Naruto's injuries were immense. She could only hope the cursed kyuubi would help with some of the healing. It would be the only way anyone would survive what he'd done himself.

"I'm going to give it everything I've got." Tsunade responded with a fierce gleam in her eyes.

She patted his shoulder once more before she hurried off towards the ICU. Shikamaru was left out in the waiting room without anyone, he was all alone. Just how Naruto must have felt each and every waking moment of his life. He looked down at his hands covered with Naruto's blood. Could Naruto really live after losing that much blood? Could anyone? Shikamaru as intelligent as he was should have known that for a normal person their chances were pretty much zero. However, he noticed how Naruto always seemed to bounce back from injuries that would ruin other shinobi's careers.

"Shikamaru!" Ino shouted hysterically taking in Shikamaru's disheveled appearance.

He turned to the familiar voice and saw Ino had just finished her shift in the pediatric ward. She often did volunteer shifts after it was strongly suggested by Tsuande to improve her medical ninjutsu training and familiarize her to the hospital setting.

"Where are you hurt? What happened?!" Ino fretted over him eyes wondering his body.

"I'm fine." He managed to answer Ino's first question, but he couldn't answer the second one as easily.

Ino knelt down in front of him checking him for injuries. He swatted her roaming hand away as she lifted his shirt up. Her brows knit in confusion as she saw no cuts or wounds present on Shikamaru's body at least nothing that warranted the amount of blood she was seeing. She stared expectantly waiting for him to explain growing more anxious as each second ticked by.

"It's not my b-blood…" he stammered, voice barely above a whisper.

Ino attempted to school her features to hide her nerves. She knew that blood loss of this level was likely caused by a fatal wound. It was unnerving to see Shikamaru in his current condition. She had known Shikamaru since early childhood and had never seen him appear so shaken. Her stomach flopped.

"Whose blood is it?" she asked growing more distressed.

Shikamaru started to break down again crying. Ino had no idea what had happened, whose blood it was or what the hell was going on. The only thing she knew was her team mate was hurting and there was nothing she could do. Her lips formed a tight line and she did the only thing she could do and wrapped her arms tightly around Shikamaru. She could heal almost any physical wound with ease, but there was no jutsu to heal emotional pain.

"N-Naruto's…" he stammered through tears.

"Naruto's? Where is now?" she asked urgently.

“I don't know. Tsunade-sama is with him.” he answered with unease painted across his features.

Ino tried not to worry, but if Tsunade was tending to Naruto personally the situation was definitely grave. She wanted to know the specifics, but now really wasn't the time to probe the brunette for the details. She glanced over at the nurses station and noticed Sakura giving her end of shift reports to the head nurse.

"Sakura!" she called to the kunoichi over.

Sakura's gaze followed the call of her name to see the pair on the floor of the hospital lobby. Confusion set in until she noted the blood stains on Shikamaru and Ino's tense posture. Sakura quickly made her way over to them.

“Shikamaru are you hurt?” she asked worriedly.

“He's fine. It's Naruto that's hurt.” Ino supplied the only information she currently knew.

"I'm sure Naruto be fine. That knucklehead is always getting into scrapes and trouble." she tried to reassure them in a tone lacked the concern the other two expected, in fact it was almost indifferent.

She knew Naruto's body was capable of repairing itself. She'd learned he was the kyuubi container back when she began her medical training. Sakura knew the kyuubi's sense of self preservation wouldn't let Naruto die easily. After all during his fight with Sasuke, he had taken a direct blow from Chidori through the chest and he healed. He managed to heal an entire whole punched through his chest, so for Sakura there was no reason to worry.

"How can you be so calm at a time like this? That's a lot of blood. He could _die_ from losing this much blood!" Ino stated irritation clear in her voice hoping Sakura really didn't understand the severity of the situation.

“Naruto is going to be just fine. I'm not going to waste my time worrying over him when he does this to himself.” she replied offhandedly.

"I can't believe you really mean that." Ino asked in disbelief.

“I do.” she confirmed with a sigh. "He probably picked a fight with Sasuke-kun again, and if he did maybe being hospitalized will teach him a lesson."

Shikamaru shook with silent anger as he listened to Sakura as she spoke about Naruto. He couldn't understand how Naruto seemed to mean so little to her. They were teammates and if the roles were reversed Naruto would be pacing around this lobby and harassing the hospital staff for updates on her condition every five minutes. Naruto always had Sakura's back. It was the first time he ever felt this angry. Maybe his adrenaline was amplifying his feelings or maybe they were completely justified, but either way his gut was burning with anger he could scarcely control.

Ino was appalled by the apathetic response Sakura gave, but before she could process it Shikamaru interrupted her thoughts.

"Shut up!" Shikamaru growled at the pink haired kunoichi.

Ino startled at Shikamaru's outburst and retracted her hand from his shoulder and scooted back away to give him some space. She had witnessed another first. It was the first time she'd seen Shikamaru lose his temper, although she couldn't argue he was in the wrong because she felt just as angry as he looked. Ino watched Sakura with narrowed eyes.

Sakura visibly flinched at Shikamaru's outburst. He really never wanted to hurt someone as much as he wanted to hurt the Sakura in that moment. He couldn't understand how someone could be so calm and collected about their comrade being seriously injured. Naruto was fighting for his life and she just didn't seem to give damn. He just couldn't understand why she was acting this way.

"What's your problem?" Sakura retorted nastily.

"You didn't see him! You didn't see all the b-blood." he shouted eyes wide as he stood to meet Sakura eye to eye.

"If he picked a fight with Sasuke-kun then he deserved it." she replied matter -of -factly.

"Is your head so far up Sasuke's ass you never noticed your teammate slipping away?!" He hollered raising his voice with each word.

"What are you talking about?!" asked Sakura clearly annoyed with him.

"Naruto tried to…to…kill himself." he spoke tripping over his own words as flash memories of the scene replayed in his mind.

"Come on it's not like he could even manage to do that right." she rolled her eyes at their 'dramatics'.

Her words echoed in his mind adding fuel to the growing rage in his gut. Shikamaru's heart raced and he unknowingly balled his hands into fists and before he understood what was happening he lunged at Sakura. Fortunately, Ino grabbed him before he made contact with the kunoichi, because in hindsight he really wasn't in the right frame of mind. Shikamaru was shoved backward as Ino placed herself in between the two arguing shinobi.

“Shikamaru, it's not worth it.” Ino asserted to the distraught brunette.

She hadn't said a word the whole time but did NOT agree with Sakura at all. In fact Ino's body was shaking with just as much anger as Shikamaru.

Ino wouldn't have Shikamaru losing his promotion over a fight with Sakura, but she had no such qualms for her own career. Her eyes narrowed at Sakura who seemed to recover from nearly being attacked. Just as she began to thank Ino for intervening she found herself flying backward across the lobby. Pain blossomed across her cheek and her eye swelled shut instantly. Ino had managed to put some chakra into the punch and it was the first time Ino was able to use the medical training she received in combat.

Shikamaru let out a astonished gasp. He watched as Sakura pulled herself dazed and confused from the ground. Her left cheek already showing signs of bruising. He felt the tension start to leave his shoulders as his fingers uncurled.

"You need to leave." Ino spoke firmly with fists clenched and a dangerous glare in her eyes.

The commotion had garnered the attention of the hospital staff, and it wouldn't be long before security was called if it hadn't been already. Sakura left without another word clutching her cheek glaring furiously at Ino.

Ino exhaled the breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding in her anger. Shikamaru looked at her wide eyed with a lop sided smirk. He shouldn't have been surprised at all. Ino was always explosive when she felt angry. He sighed shaking his head at the blonde kunochi. She always had his back.

“Come on.” she ordered motioning for Shikamaru to follow her. “Let's see if I can find you a new shirt.” she followed up seeing his confused expression.

He followed her to a storage closet and watched her rummage through it looking for fresh clothing. She managed to find a tee-shirt and grabbed a towel before leading Shikamaru to an unoccupied room.

“Wash up and change while I go check on Naruto's condition.” she smiled trying to keep the mood as light as possible given the circumstances.

He took the offered clothing and towel with trembling hands and thanked her. She nodded and left him to change. He entered the bathroom and peered into the mirror. He looked like a complete mess with blood splatter on his face and neck. He grimaced as he peeled off his shirt. He hated the sticky peeling sensation and felt himself heave at the sensation.

He began to wonder how no one noticed the signs Naruto was struggling,how he didn't notice anything. Admittedly, he really wasn't Naruto's closest friend, but he went on missions with him loads of times. He's had casual lunches with Naruto at the ramen stand whenever he felt like ditching training with Asuma.

_Why didn't I notice?_

He dampened the towel and wiped his face and torso clean. He avoided his reflection because he knew part of this was his fault, and he felt so guilty. He considered Naruto a comrade, but he failed to notice how much pain he was in. He struggled to push down the guilty thoughts as he pulled the fresh shirt on and went to find Ino. He needed an update on Naruto's condition.

He found Ino sitting in the waiting room nearest to the lobby. She sat hunched over head down. He didn't like her tense posture, but he took the seat next to her anyway. She lifted her head up and looked at him with tears collecting in the corners of her aquamarine eyes. He watched breath held waiting for her to speak.

“He's in really bad shape, but Tsunade-sama is preforming his surgery.”

“How long will he be in surgery?” he asked apprehensively.

“I honestly don't think anyone can answer that right now.” she replied softly as the tears spilled down her cheeks.

Shikamaru sank further into his seat tipping his head back. He felt fresh tears welling up and instinctively crossed his arm over his face hiding his eyes. Ino kept her gaze directed at her lap afraid a single glance at Shikamaru would open the flood gates in her eyes. Both teens sat silently deep in thought. They had always known the danger they put themselves in on a daily basis given their career paths, but this wasn't something neither was prepared for.

“I wish I could see him.” Shikamaru spoke quietly.

He felt useless just waiting around the lobby, but he knew there wasn't much else he could do. Ino rested her hand on his shoulder giving it a light squeeze. She wanted to help Shikamaru, but didn't know how to. They sat like that for a little while before Ino realized she could help. She wasn't sure it was the best idea, but it was all she really had to offer him other than her comfort.

“I can take you to the observation room since I work here I have clearance.” she suggested.

~ICU~

  
  


Tsunade stormed into the operating room. She only made it a few feet in the doorway before freezing. She watched as the medical team rushed around Naruto prepping him for surgery and trying to keep blood loss to a minimum. There was so much blood. Her hands trembled and her thoughts strayed to the past against her will.

"Tsunade-sama! Thank god you're here! We need your expertise." Shizune called effectively pulling Tsunade out of the past and back to the present.

"Yes." she replied pushing her growing fears down.

Tsunade examined the self inflicted wounds. Her stomach lurched at the sight. The skin of his abdomen was torn to ribbons and pieces of a glass shard was just barely visible. He had punctured his intestines, and lost a lot of blood. She imagined how much pain he must have been in to do this to himself. Her hands hovered over his wounds shaking.

_'What the hell brat?'_

Her arms fell to her side and her hands balled into trembling fists. Her eyes trained on Shizune deftly removing the glass shards from Naruto's abdomen. She'd never felt so frustrated before. She wanted to punch something. She wanted to break something. She felt like screaming. Her gut burned with rage, but her anger was caused by something intangible. She grit her teeth.

"How did something like this go unnoticed?!" she growled feeling tears slide down her face.

No one had an answer to her question. The sannin regained composure for Naruto's sake. She had to save him no matter what.

His wrists were the easiest to heal and had practically healed themselves. Shizune finished the glass extraction and brought her hands above his wounds and activated her healing chakra. His wounds closed at a snails pace. Sweat dripped down Shizune's brow. Tsunade activated her healing chakra and formed a healing glow over his abdomen full power.

Despite their best efforts he was still fading from this world. Blood gushed out and splattered them both causing Tsunade to wince and falter in her chakra control briefly. Her fear of blood quickly returned. She fought hard against it to save Naruto, but all she could see was the blood on her hands. The slick crimson liquid transported her to the past. She was leaning over Dan. He was dying. It was her fault he was dying. Her hands glow slowly dimmed until they extinguished. Her breaths came out in panicked gasps.

“Tsunade-sama! Please snap out of it! Naruto needs you!” Shizune spoke through gritted teeth pushing her chakra to the limit.

Shizune's anguished yells ripped her back from her inner turmoil. She closed her eyes and concentrated on her chakra. She could still feel the warmth on her fingers, but she wasn't going to give up. Tsunade pushed her chakra through her hands once again engulfing the boy's abdomen. Tears gradually leaked from her tightly closed eyes.

"Shit we're going to losing him!" yelled Shizune frantically as Naruto's heart rate dropped suddenly.

_'TO BE HOKAGE THAT IS MY DREAM!'_

Tsunade's eyes snapped open and without a second thought she released her byakugo seal. Tsunade's chakra increased 100 fold and her net enveloped Naruto's whole body and bathed the room with a green fluorescent glow. Shizune's eyes grew wide with shock at the sheer determination displayed by Tsunade. She was able to fight against her fear of blood. Shizune took a deep breath and rallied bringing green chakra back into her hands full force.

“You better wake up, you damn brat!" Tsunade roared at him as her hands continued to pour chakra over him.

Naruto wandered around in the dark. He was lost and scared. There was a faint light off in the distance. He hesitantly began to walk in the direction of the light. He started remembering bits and pieces of what he'd done, but this wasn't what he expected the afterlife to look like. He wasn't sure why but he felt empty. Wasn't dying supposed to end his suffering?

"His vitals are dropping fast!" shouted a surgical assistant.

"Stabalize him! NOW!" Shizune hollered while Tsunade kept up the healing chakra net around him.

"Naruto! Hang in there! Come back! You can't leave me too!" cried Tsunade.

Naruto turned his head away from the light. He could have sworn someone called out to him, but who would? Had he really heard someone calling his name? No. No one would call out to a _monster_ like himself. Naruto sighed and turned back towards the light.

"You better not give up on me!" Tsunade cried out through tears.

Shikamaru ran from the observation room with Ino on his heels. The yells from within the room made Shikamaru's heart thump painfully in his chest. Naruto was dying. Shikamaru's tears returned with a vengeance. Ino called after him as he picked up speed in front of her.

"He's flat lining!" yelled Shizune loudly desperately trying to revive Naruto.

The green glow dissipated and Tsunade stumbled backward and fell down onto her knees. It was over. In the end she couldn't even save him. She felt useless again. Her head hung in sorrow. She did nothing to hide her tears. He was dead. His dream was dead. Another life ruined following that dream. Another person she failed to save.

Shikamaru burst through the door ignoring Ino's screams for him to stop. The beep of Naruto's heart monitor was constant tone. He watched in horror as Shizune tried to jump start Naruto's heart several times before the rest of the medical assistants pulled the paddles from her trembling hands.

“He's gone.” she whispered awestruck.

Shikamaru threw his arms around the dying boy with tears falling freely down his face. Shikamaru's tears rolled down his chin dripping on Naruto's face. The tiny droplets rolled down the blondes face. His grip on Naruto was so tight his knuckles turn white.

"NARUTO!" screamed Shikamaru crying violently.

The scream that had escaped Shikamaru's mouth resonated throughout the hospital. The pitch at which he screamed was nearly blood curdling. All who heard the scream froze in their tracks and it would likely haunt them for days to come.

Shizune wept blindly as she almost backed into a corner while Tsunade sat on the floor, sobbing uncontrollably.

Naruto's pace came to a halt at the sound of _his_ name being screamed. The blonde just stood listening into the darkness. He was certain it was his name that had been called out- screamed if you wanted to be specific. He couldn't believe anyone would call out to _him_. He thought it might have been his own wishful thinking, but still he waited in the dark.

His face scrunched as he listened for any clues as to who had screamed. It wasn't long before his ears detected the sounds of muffled sobs.

_'Is someone crying? Who? Why?_ _' he wondered._

“N-naruto.” Shikamaru spoke through tears.

No one in the room expected what would come next. Naruto's body was abruptly consumed by fire red chakra. Shikamaru jumped back eyes blown wide feeling the heat of the strange chakra. His breath caught in his throat as he watched the chakra swirl like flames. The screeching tone of the heart monitor change to a steady beeping pattern. Every one stayed fix in place too shocked to move.

Shikamaru didn't dare blink or move. He stayed back until the red chakra snuffed out like a candle's flame. He was too shocked to give the strange chakra much thought especially since Naruto's heart was beating again and he was breathing. The brunette's tears increased as he threw his arms around Naruto in hug.

Then the pain came crashing in like waves. He was alive. Naruto's face scrunched with pain, but he managed to crack his eyes open long enough to see the outline fill in. It was Shikamaru. He was squeezing him and crying into his chest. His first attempt at speech failed and all that came out was a moan. Shikamaru's head lifted and their eyes met.

**"S-Shika-maru?," Naruto moaned before passing out.**


	3. Pain for a Friend

**Disclaimer** : The characters depicted, settings, and some terminology in this fan work are the property of Masashi Kishimoto. The views and opinions of this fan based work in no way reflect the views or opinions of Masashi Kishimoto. This is a fanfiction written purely for entertainment purposes and nothing more. The author of this fan based work receives no profit gain in writing this.

  
  


  
  


"S-Shika-maru?," Naruto moaned before passing out again.

"Naruto." the brunette whispered gripping his shoulders.

Shikamaru's heart thumped painfully in his chest and he gasped in an attempt to replenish his lungs with oxygen. Naruto was alive. He silently thanked the gods for helping Naruto. Little did Shikamaru know but it was _his_ scream that saved Naruto. Tsunade looked on in disbelief at the blonde's stamina. He managed to pull through. He was alive. His heart rate was faint as was his breathing, but he was alive.

"Thank god," Shikamaru whispered breathlessly.

The medical team bustled around Naruto taking his vitals and administered medicine. Shikamaru stood still staring at the blonde boy in front of him. He barely registered Ino's grip on his arm pulling him out of the room and out of the medics way. She brought them back to the observation room.

Both couldn't believe what they'd witnessed. Naruto was dead. His heart had stopped, but he came back. It was unbelievable. The scene they witnessed was impossible, but somehow against the odds he lived. Had they witnessed an actual miracle they wondered. Both shinobi were deep in thought staring distantly into the operation room through the glass window.

“W-what was that chakra?” Ino broke the silence finally getting over the shocking sight she witnessed.

In his relief he nearly forgot the red chakra that engulfed Naruto. He wondered if it was a delayed reaction to one of the medical units jutsu or some latent healing ability Naruto had. Naruto did have an uncanny ability to heal faster than most.

“I'm not sure, but it looked like it saved him.”

“It had to be a strong jutsu if Lady Tsunade's 100 healing didn't work. Like I'm talking kage level jutsu.” Ino supplied wide eyed.

The brunette had heard about the sannin's 100 healings but before today he'd never seen it before. He mulled over Ino's words. It seemed it wasn't a medical ninjutsu. The idea that chakra healing came from Naruto was far more likely, but kage level jutsu seemed so far fetched to him. Naruto was a knucklehead kid. Sure the blonde was strong and only grew stronger by the day, but that chakra was an actual physical manifestation. It sucked the air out the room and nearly burned Shikamaru. The memory left him feeling uneasy.

“Hnm.” was the only response Ino received as Shikamaru stared intently at the unconscious blonde and the medics.

An exhausted Tsunade entered the observation room not long after. Her hair messy hair fell from her pigtails and tear tracks stained her face. Ino and Shikamaru tensed at her disheveled appearance, but waited quietly for her to speak. Her lips formed a wobbly smile.

“Naruto's condition is stable for the time being.”

“When will he wake up?” Ino asked beating Shikamaru to it.

“It's hard to say when and if he will wake up, but I have faith he will.” she tried to put them at ease.

“It's a miracle he survived at all...” Ino spoke softly staring through the glass at Naruto.

Before Tsunade could continue speaking Shizune entered the room with Naruto's updated charts and scans results. The sannin grit her teeth. His blood volume was too low. She suspected that even the kyuubi couldn't regenerate plasma. She frowned at the confirmation.

Kyuubi or no kyuubi, blood loss at this level would prove fatal even for Naruto. He would need a lot of blood, and further more she'd need to find a match immediately. Konoha was currently experiencing a blood shortage. She already thought of the possibility of donating her own blood but they weren't a match and neither was Shizune unfortunately. Tsunade's mind raced, knowing there were very few people who would or could give blood to Naruto.

She glanced at Ino and remembered that she wasn't a match either not to mention she had low iron so she wouldn't be able to donate either.

' _I wonder….'_ She thought to herself looking directly at Shikamaru whose eyes reflected the concern he felt.

"He's not in the clear yet. He's lost a lot of blood, and unfortunately my 100 healings didn't regenerate the blood loss." Tsunade informed the shinobi.

"Is he going to be okay?!" Shikamaru asked feeling his heart begin to race.

"I don't believe he'll last much longer without a blood transfusion." she admitted crestfallen.

"Well, he'll be fine if he gets blood right? Can't you just give him a transfusion?" he asked getting agitated at the lack of action.

"It's not that simple I'm afraid. We're currently low on blood here and would need to find a donor right away. Shizune and myself aren't matches." she interrupted Ino who opened her mouth to speak. "Not to mention he needs a lot of blood. I'm not even sure if one donor would work." she admitted painfully.

“I know I have low iron but I can donate some of the blood.” Ino offered quickly. “It wouldn't kill me I'd just be weak for a while.”

“I already considered you and your blood type isn't a match.” she replied shaking her head.

Shikamaru's face dropped and it felt like a kunai ripped into his skin. He thought Naruto was in the clear. His eyes began to prickle with salt water again, hearing the blonde's life was still at stake. He just wanted Naruto to be okay. He stared passed Tsunade to Naruto's sleeping form.

Tsunade watched his reaction and saw the determination flash into his eyes as he looked at Naruto's pale motionless body. His fists still clenched at his sides. Shikamaru turned and stared the Hokage straight in the eyes and spoke without hesitation.

"Take my blood. Take as much as you need for him." he exclaimed with a fiery expression.

Tsunade smiled at the lazy shinobi. She had never seen him so determined before, and she wondered if this situation woke his dormant will of fire. She wondered if he'd still be this determined after hearing what it entailed if they couldn't find multiple donors.

"I'm a universal donor," he confirmed with confidence.

"We have to get a blood sample from you first." Tsunade informed him.

"I understand, let's hurry and do this." he replied staring at Naruto's unconscious form.

Tsunade left the task to Ino, while she went to try and find more donors, but on such short notice she worried she would have to just use Shikamaru's blood.

Ino swiped his inner arm with an alcohol wipe before inserting a needle. He winced, but seemed otherwise unaffected by her drawing blood. He didn't know Ino was so capable in a medical setting. She filled one vial with the crimson liquid. She labeled it and put a rush order on the necessary tests.

Within the hour Shikamaru's blood tests came back clean and his blood type was confirmed O negative making him able to donate to Naruto. Unfortunately, Tsunade hadn't found anyone else willing to donate to Naruto. Most of the civilian staff knew the blood was for Naruto, and they were reluctant to give the kyuubi container any blood.

“I assume my blood came back clean and a match.”

“Yes, it did.” she replied hesitantly. “But I was unable to find any other donors on such short notice. So it would mean taking a lot of your blood. There are risks to taking so much so quickly.”

Tsunade was hesitant to grant his request given that he was so young and that taking that much blood from him would leave him in the hospital for days maybe longer. She sighed locking gazes with him and seeing him staring at her with such a determined look on his face.

"Like I said he can have all my blood if that's what it takes! We're wasting time that Naruto doesn't have." he retorted.

"It won't be necessary to take all of your blood, but a great deal will be needed. However you're going to have to take this pill in order for you to rapidly recover any blood that you've lost. It's _very_ painful- almost _torturous_. Are you sure you want to do this?"

“Yes.” he responded reaching for the consent forms in Ino's hand.

"Are you sure? It's _REALLY_ going to hurt. This pill will cause your blood cells to rapidly divide causing pain and burning sensations." Tsunade warned him again.

"Watching my comrade die in front of me would be more painful than any torture I could be put through." he answered unwaveringly.

Tsunade managed to smile seeing the _will of fire burning_ brightly within him. He would never forsake a comrade even if they had forsaken themselves. She watched as he scribbled his signature on the forms barely even reading through them.

Tsunade, Shikamaru, and Ino met Shizune in the next room over to preform the procedure. Naruto had been moved into the same room for recovery since he was stable. Tsunade ushered him to take a seat in a padded chair. In hind sight he probably should have been at least a little nervous, but his body pumped with adrenaline. Ino stood beside him and prepped his arm for the needle.

Shizune handed Shikamaru an emerald colored pill to take. The pill would rapidly regenerate the lost blood and plasma cells she'd be taking for Naruto. He swallowed the pill without water or hesitation. Tsunade observed the fire in his eyes with a grin.

The pill would start working in about 15 minutes, so in the meantime she had Ino hook up and IV to his other arm. He would need to have fluids replenished continuously during the procedure.

Fifteen minutes felt like forever as Shikamaru sat waiting. He bounced his leg up and down with nervous energy. He wasn't nervous about the pain or even his own well being and he never felt like this before. He took to watching the blonde's chest rise and fall from across the room.

Ino tried to make small talk to help pass the time and Shikamaru half listened to the kunoichi even though his thoughts strayed to Naruto and what he'd said.

_"Uzumaki Naruto never existed."_

He hoped this would save Naruto. He needed to talk to him again. He had to ask him what he'd meant. He had to to know why he did this to himself.

The time finally elapsed and Shikamaru could tell the pill was in effect because it felt like his skin was buzzing. Shizune began drawing blood and at first the only odd thing Shikamaru noticed was how hot his face felt. It was unpleasant but wasn't painful.

“Are you okay?” Ino asked with a worried glare.

“Yea, I'm alright just really warm?” he answered.

“That's normal at first.” Tsunade replied.

“Let us know if you feel any chest pains or pressure in your chest, as that is a sign of adverse reaction to the pill.” Shizune reminded him. He responded with a nod.

The warmth he felt in his face seemed to travel throughout his body growing in intensity. The buzzing under his skin felt sharp and he grit his teeth against the new sensation. Ino watched worriedly as sweat beaded on his forehead.

He gasped nearly falling to the floor clutching his arm as the burning sensation was the worst at the draw point. It felt like his blood was boiling under his skin. The pain spread rapidly through out his body as his cells regenerated at inhuman speeds.

_Shit_

He suppressed a scream as his blood continued to almost boil from within his body. It felt as though he was being burned from the inside out. His vision was fuzzy in the corners and his gut contracted like he would vomit but nothing came up. He could feel Ino grab his hand. He knew it would hurt, but he wasn't ready for this.

He glanced over at Naruto who had been fitted with an iv to receive his blood directly. He concentrated on Naruto rather than the pain he felt. It somehow made it a bit easier to endure. He thought about the blonde waking up soon. He wondered if Naruto would wake up during the procedure. He hoped he'd stay asleep until it was over.

He didn't want Naruto to see he was in any pain. He didn't want Naruto to feel guilty or awkward about it. In fact Shikamaru rather it stay a secret from the blonde altogether. He wasn't doing this for Naruto to become indebted to him. He just wanted to help him.

Shizune tried to comfort Shikamaru as much as possible when she wasn't monitoring his and Naruto's vital signs. The pain had become so great that he was covered in sweat and gasping for air. She watched as Shikamaru's face twisted and contorted with the intense pain. His breaths came out in short pants. He bit down on his hand in an attempt to contain his groans and screams. He couldn't be sure Naruto wasn't able to hear what was going on, so He had to keep quiet.

Ino pulled his hand out of his mouth and offered him a cloth instead. He bit down on it, and Ino grimaced.

“I'm sorry we can't give you any pain killers it will go directly to Naruto.” she apologized.

He just kept an eye on Naruto's chest rising and falling. He was doing this for Naruto, and when he woke up he would make sure this never happened again. It was what his pain addled mind came to a conclusion. He was going to look out for Naruto.

"Hang in there it's almost over," said Shizune encouragingly.

Ino withdrew the needle from his arm while Shizune tended to Naruto. The burning pain gradually dulled in intensity and became a more bearable level. Shikamaru felt the tension in his muscles slowly relaxing. He weakly turned his head towards Naruto's direction. The blonde's face seemed regain some color, no longer ghastly pale. His breathing was at a normal rate. Naruto's reaction to the transfusion was immediate, and his vitals improved greatly. Shikamaru tried to stand only to fall back down panting with exhaustion. Ino grabbed him just before he hit the floor.

"You shouldn't move yet!" Ino scolded him.

"I want to see Naruto!" his expression was full of worry.

"Naruto is going to be fine now." Tsunade replied guiding him to a bed across from Naruto.

"That's a relief…" His voice trailed off as his eyelids grew too heavy.

The adrenaline finally wore off and his body ached with exhaustion. He fell asleep as soon as he hit the bed, secure that Naruto was going to be fine. Tsunade slid the covers over the drained boy's body and tucked him in.

“He's going to be fine too right?” Ino asked cautiously.

“Fatigue is the most common side effect after the procedure. It may last until tomorrow some time.”

Ino grabbed a chair and began dragging it between both beds before Tsunade stopped her by taking the chair into her own hands.

“Go home these two will be just fine.” Tsunade ordered firmly.

Ino reluctantly drug her tired body from the room and headed home after such a long day. She would be back tomorrow before her next shift to check in with both of them. Shizune closed the door behind Ino as she left.

"This kid. I've never seen someone so much pain for a comrade. The pain is excruciating. I know. I've endured it several times before to save the one's I loved." Tsunade praised the sleeping shinobi.

 _'You raised a great bunch Sarutobi-sensei_ ' she thought with a proud smile.

Tsunade set up a schedule between herself and Shizune to stay and watch over Naruto to make sure he was never unattended, basically suicide watch. It still pained her, but dwelling on her feelings wouldn't change what happened. Shizune took first watch to let Tsunade replenish her chakra.

Both boys slept peacefully through the night. It wasn't until the early hours of the next day Naruto bolted upright in bed hissing at the pain in his gut. He grimaced at the stiffness of his midsection. It was most likely caused by the tight bandages wraped around his abdomen. He groggily tried to assess his situation. Everything was foggy in his mind.

_Why am I in the hospital?_

He cautiously examined the bandages on his wrists and everything came back flooding his mind with all those dark thoughts and feelings. It all rushed back in a fury of tears. Naruto sat as if paralyzed. He didn't even try to hide his tears as the spilled uncontrolled from his azure eyes. This wasn't at all what he'd wanted.

 _Why did he help someone like_ _me_ _? Why did he cry for someone like_ _me_ _?_

He scowled, but the darkened room hid it from Tsunade's watchful eyes seated in the corner of the room. It burned him to know he caused so much trouble for everyone involved. His face twisted as sobs wracked through his body. It just hurt so much. His chest ached recalling the events of the past day. He couldn't get it out of his head. He wanted to leave, no he _needed_ to get out there.

He swung his body so that his legs hung over the edge of the bed. He tested one foot to see if he'd be able to stand. Naruto's face contorted with pain as the second foot hit the floor. His whole body was beyond sore, but he stood anyway. He stayed standing by the bed gathering his thoughts. His head was bursting with so many thoughts and feelings at once. He wasn't sure how he felt about any of this. His suicide attempt, Shikamaru saving him, and most jarring of all Shikamaru crying over him. It was too much. It hurt so badly. He definitely needed to leave.

He reached for the IV in his arm only to have his wrist grabbed by Tsunade effectively stopping him. He startled not having known she was even in the room. He stared wide eyed and tear stained. His hand trembled in her grip.

"Naruto! Just where do you think you're going?!" she growled.

He laughed nervously donning that fake smile of his. Tsunade's features hardened at his reaction. It was evident he couldn't be trusted or left alone. Tsunade steeled her features holding back tears appearing to be sternly glaring at Naruto, who refused to meet her gaze.

_'Why?' she inwardly asked. 'Why do you want to die?'_

"Oh so you think this is funny brat?" she snapped.

His fake smile fell understanding she knew everything and shook his head 'no' in response to her question. She pulled him back roughly by his arm and pushed him down to sit on the bed. She couldn't hold back the wave of tears as the day replayed in her head. She was exhausted both physically and mentally from trying to save him.

Tsunade couldn't shake the fact she'd almost lost him. Naruto stared surprised by the woman who hovered over him with her tears falling furiously from her amber eyes. Naruto felt very uncomfortable. He thought no one would care if he was gone. He didn't think there would actually be tears. He didn't think there would be any hurt feelings. His mind swirled with conflicting thoughts.

"DON'T YOU EVER TRY THAT AGAIN!," she stammered through sobs.

Tsunade wrapped her arms around Naruto and pulled him close for one of the tightest hugs he'd ever been given. He couldn't remember a time where warm arms held him like this. Had anyone ever held him like this?

She'd been so scared when she thought he was dead. She couldn't handle another scare like that, not ever. Her body shook as she sobbed on the blonde whose heart was pounding. He never thought it would hurt her so much. He didn't think anyone would miss having him around. His chest ached and his head felt frazzled.

"Why didn't you come talk to me?! I could have helped you!" She cried gripping him tighter in their hug.

"I…I…I don't know." he answered truthfully. He was so used to being on his own and fending for himself he never gave it any thought to talk to anyone before hand. He hadn't even known anyone cared until this moment wrapped up in Tsunade's arms.

"You can come to me, day or night with anything. You hear me?" She asked the last part grabbing his cheeks to force him to look at her.

"Okay." he muttered feeling more uncomfortable by the second. He wasn't sure if he would actually talk to her in the future, or if he even had future at the moment. He didn't know what he would do.

"I'm serious. I forbid you to do that again! You hear me! I thought I lost you!," Tsunade sobbed, grasped him even tighter as though he might vanish if she let go. Naruto gasped as her grip around him nearly squeezed the air right out of his lungs.

"Okay. Okay." He smiled that fake smile and lied through his teeth.

Naruto glanced over Tsunade's shoulder and saw Shikamaru out cold in the bed next to his. His brow knit in confusion at how Shikamaru ended up hospitalized too. Naruto had a anxious feeling in the pit of his stomach. He tried to piece together why Shikamaru would be there too. He hoped it wasn't his fault. He really hoped he didn't somehow hurt Shikamaru.

 _'Naruto!'_ he remembered the way his name had been screamed.

It was Shikamaru who called out to him. When he came around it was Shikamaru hugging him. He recalled the tear soaked cheeks and worried brown eyes that met his. Shikamaru had cried for him too. Naruto was so engrossed in his thoughts he barely noticed Tsunade letting him go. He only noticed as she stepped away. His eyes trained on the sleeping brunette across from him.

"Wait...what happened to Shikamaru?," asked Naruto nervously, hoping he wasn't at fault.

"He's okay just exhaustion and dehydration from a very painful procedure to help you." She answered feeling proud of Shikamaru's strength and resolve.

Naruto stared at Shikamaru wide-eyed. He felt a strange cocktail of feelings take root in his gut. Guilt. Anger. Sorrow. All brought on from looking at the sleeping boy in the bed next to him. He sat quietly at loss for words.

“Why did he do it for me?” he asked completely awestruck.

"He wanted to save your life, a life you so easily tried to throw away. Keep that in mind next time you think no one would care." The last part sounded a bit harsh, but she hoped to get through to him, to show that people care about him.

“I will.” he whispered mulling over her words.

The prior guilt rose higher in his chest. He sat trying to understand why _anybody_ would go through all this trouble for him. Tsunade left to get Naruto some pain killers, knowing very well that he was going to need them soon. She felt he was now okay to be left alone for a few minutes.

Naruto swung his feet over the other side of his bed to face Shikamaru who had begun to stir awake.

Shikamaru slowly sat up wincing as his entire body was sore, but he didn't regret it and he'd do it again in a heartbeat. Naruto was his friend and Shikamaru would do anything to help a friend. His eye lids drooped and he made several attempts to force them open. When he finally opened them he was met with Naruto was sitting up looking right at him. Shikamaru shot him a smile. He was relieved to see Naruto awake and sitting up on his own.

"Hey," Naruto muttered, glancing down at the floor.

“I'm glad you're awake." Shikamaru admitted with a smile.

Truthfully Shikamaru didn't know what to say to Naruto. He had no idea how he was feeling inside. He watched the blonde carefully waiting for some sort of acknowledgment that he was listening to him. Several minutes passed and Naruto was just sitting still avoiding Shikamaru's gaze.

"Are you in any pain?" Shikamaru asked.

"No I'm okay." Naruto lied with a grin.

Shikamaru could see through Naruto's facade. He was blatantly lying, in front of his face no less. He knew it wasn't going to be easy. Tsunade and the medical staffed saved his body, but who knows what's going on in his mind. It weighed heavy on Shikamaru.

They sat there silently for a bit. Naruto wasn't sure what to say. He really felt like he should _thank_ him for trying to do what was right, but Naruto really had wanted to die so a part of him was angry with Shikamaru. Then again, Shikamaru fought really hard to save him and Naruto felt guilty thinking about dying.

He wasn't sure how he felt about all of this anymore. At least two people if not more fought hard to save his life today. They couldn't have wanted to save the kyuubi. Was it possible he was wrong? Did Uzumaki Naruto exist after all? All these thoughts and feeling swirled around Naruto's mind making him even more physically exhausted.

Shikamaru watched the blonde equally unsure of what to say. What do you say to someone who just survived a suicide attempt? The tense silence took over the room, heavy in their ears. Someone had to speak sometime or another. Shikamaru felt most uncomfortable in the silence. He couldn't stop thinking about Naruto's vague words and their possible meaning. He after all had a lot of questions and felt he was entitled to at least few answers.

"Why?" Shikamaru's throat felt tight as he spoke.

Naruto faced the wall to avoid Shikamaru's scrutiny. He felt his chest tighten as the overwhelming guilt squeezed down on him. This wasn't at all like he planned. In his mind no one would have noticed he was gone, and those who did notice would be happy. He hadn't expected this. He didn't expect it to feel like this.

"Please tell me. I think I deserve to know…" his voice trailed off realizing he didn't really have the right to demand anything from Naruto.

Naruto cringed at Shikamaru's request. He knew of all people Shikamaru deserved to know some the truth. He caused the brunette enough trouble already. The only thing was he wasn't sure he could tell anyone. What would Shikamaru do with the truth?

"So...what did you mean when you said you never existed?" the words left Shikamaru's mouth before he could stop them. He knew it wasn't right to expect an answer but those words without their meaning would haunt him if Naruto didn't explain it.

Naruto hung his head in shame staring down at his lap. Shikamaru stared at Naruto's back as he waited for a response.

"I promise I won't judge you for whatever you say because you're my friend.” he tried to gain Naruto's trust.

 _Friend_ _the word actually hurt him. He'd never dared to consider any of his classmates his friend, because they didn't know what he was. His shoulder shook as he held back tears. He was the nine tailed fox. He didn't get to have friends._

"No one can befriend a monster." he finally spoke his voice laced with despair.

"A monster? What the hell are you talking about?" Shikamaru asked taken aback by his statement.

Naruto heard the rustle of sheets and unsteady foot steps getting closer to him until he felt the bed dip in next to him. Naruto who still faced the opposite direction refused to look Shikamaru in the face. He couldn't. Not when he was about to tell him about the kyuubi. He couldn't stand to see a hateful glare from those brown eyes. Not his. Not after being called a friend by him. Not after he cried over him, but still he pressed on painfully with the truth.

"You know about the nine tailed fox right?" Naruto whispered.

"Yes, the fourth hokage killed it." replied Shikamaru as the gears in his head started turning again.

"He didn't kill the fox, or rather he couldn't you see. In the end he was only able to seal half of the fox's chakra into himself and the other half sealed it within an infant…" he dared to turn his body around.

Naruto's eyes looked furious mentioning this. His entire life ruined by one man. Wasn't it bad enough that he'd already lost his parents that day? Why did the 4th have to go and make him the scum of the village as well? Naruto fought to hold back tears threatening to spill out.

Shikamaru began piecing everything together like a puzzle. Everything seemed to suddenly fall into place. Naruto always seemed to have an endless reserve of chakra compared to his peers. Another puzzle piece Shikamaru had remembered before when they were first starting out as genin during the chunnin exam most of the jonnin sensei referred to Naruto as _THAT_ _Naruto_. The tone they used was so harsh. They were referring to him like that because he was a jinchuuriki. Then he recalled how silent the room went when Naruto's body burned with red chakra. Shikamaru sat silently thinking these things over.

It was all starting to make sense now. The realization didn't help Shikamaru at all. All it did was make him annoyed for not figuring it out long before this. He felt stupid. Someone with an IQ of over 200 felt like the biggest idiot in the world. He tried to speak but his words died in throat.

"The nine tailed fox that caused this village so much pain lives inside me...no, rather he is me. That's what I meant. Naruto doesn't exist." he finished despondently.

Naruto lifted his gaze as he felt Shikamaru move beside him. His arms raised and Naruto was sure he was about to be hit. Naruto wasn't shocked really. He figured Shikamaru wouldn't want to be friends anymore after learning the truth. He really hoped he'd just leave or reply without retaliation, but his hands reached toward his face. Naruto scrunched his eyes shut as two hands gently cupped his cheeks holding his head in place. The blonde sighed ready to apologize. Shikamaru worked hard to save him even if he didn't know the truth before hand.

"You are UZUMAKI NARUTO of the Leaf village! A precious comrade and my friend! You are NOT the nine tails!" he declared without a hint of doubt in his voice, as he watched Naruto's eyes snap open in shock.

The warmth of Shikamaru's hands left his face, and Naruto couldn't hold back the tears any longer. No one had ever told him that before. He never knew anybody felt that way even if he thought he was a monster. Shikamaru patted Naruto's back gently. He could barely process the overwhelming emotions raging through him, and before he knew it he ended up hugging Shikamaru.

Shikamaru was caught off guard as Naruto sobbed into his chest. He awkwardly placed his arms around Naruto to comfort him. He wasn't sure what to say to him or if words were even needed in this type of situation.

Shikamaru had always noticed the adults in the village seemed to look at Naruto differently, but he always assumed it had to do with Naruto's unruly behavior during early childhood. All these years and Naruto just hid and bottled his pain away. All this time Naruto believed he was the kyuubi. He believed he was responsible for the nine tails actions. He believed the only way to atone was to kill himself. Shikamaru clenched his jaw thinking about it.

Shikamaru almost started crying again. Had he noticed sooner he might have prevented it all. The guilt rose in his chest again. He should have noticed Naruto was struggling. There were so many signs he missed.

Naruto released Shikamaru and there was an discomfited silence between the two again. Naruto hadn't meant to get so carried away and hug Shikamaru. He was just so shocked and overcome with mixed emotions at the same time. He did notice how warmth radiated throughout his body when Shikamaru wrapped his arms around him. He felt the cold stinging his sides with the loss of Shikamaru's arms around him.

"Did you really do what Granny Tsunade said?" he asked quietly glancing sideways at Shikamaru.

“I wasn't going to tell you, but yea I donated some of my blood to you.” he admitted looking away embarrassment dusting his cheeks. He wasn't sure why his cheeks heated up like that.

“Really? But why go so far to help me?” he asked his body hunched and his head down.

Shikamaru looked slightly annoyed at Naruto's ignorance, but he couldn't really be angry with Naruto for not understanding. He grew up alone and was apparently hated by most. It really made Shikamaru sick to his stomach to think how Naruto viewed himself, but he was going to change Naruto's views of himself. He could tell it was going to be troublesome task but he wouldn't give up.

"I guess you need to hear it a second time. You are my friend, and I will always put my life on the line to help a friend." Shikamaru answered with a grin.

It was the second time since he woke up, Naruto cried big ugly tears. The blonde was thoroughly exhausted and could barely keep his eyes open any longer. Naruto's eyes closed and he fell asleep sitting up almost falling over.

Shikamaru caught him before he fell out of the bed. He looked at Naruto's peaceful face as he slept, and smiled.

"Troublesome." he muttered halfheartedly.

He got up from his place on the bed and turned Naruto to lay his head on the pillows and pulled the covers up over him. He smiled at the sleeping blonde before quietly walking out of the room in search of Tsunade.

"Thanks," Naruto murmured in his sleepy state.

  
  



	4. Visitation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: The characters depicted, settings, and some terminology in this fan work are the property of Masashi Kishimoto. The views and opinions of this fan based work in no way reflect the views or opinions of Masashi Kishimoto. This is a fanfiction written purely for entertainment purposes and nothing more. The author of this fan based work receives no profit gain in writing this.

Over the next couple days the lazy genius never left Naruto's side even though he was completely recovered and could leave the hospital at any time. He couldn't bring himself to leave Naruto alone. Maybe it was the gnawing feeling in his gut or the guilt that held him there.

He thought about how he might feel if he were in Naruto's current position. He knew he couldn't even begin to understand Naruto's pain, but he wanted to try. Naruto was a comrade who he'd help out no matter what. He felt a strong pull to be near the blonde shinobi. He couldn't pinpoint the emotion he felt, but it was irrelevant he stayed by Naruto's side anyway.

Shikamaru sighed and rolled over to glance at the sleeping blonde across the room. The sun light filtered through the blinds shining on Naruto's sleeping form. Shikamaru smiled seeing the peaceful expression on the blonde's face. The last few days had been very difficult for Naruto, but Shikamaru did his best to keep the blonde occupied with games and conversation, mostly small talk. Naruto still seemed blocked off and tried to fool Shikamaru with wide grins and goofy laughter.

It was painful for Shikamaru to watch Naruto trying to do everything on his own. Even if he struggled he kept stubbornly trying. It just showed how difficult it must have been for Naruto growing up alone. Shikamaru couldn't imagine living his whole life that way. He tried to imagine what his personality would be like today if he'd grown up like he imagined Naruto had. He shook his head trying to rid himself of the negative thoughts that now consumed his mind. He definitely wouldn't have turned out like Naruto that much he knew for sure. He likely would have turned out to be more like Sasuke or Itachi, and gone rogue rather than stay in a village that hated him, but even with the darkness Naruto seemed to carry inside his light shined bright. Shikamaru envied that part of Naruto.

His thoughts were momentarily distracted as Naruto shifted in his sleep. Shikamaru frowned. It suddenly dawned on him that in the three days they had been here no one visited. It struck Shikamaru as strange that no one had attempted to visit either of them. The only person who had seen them was Ino during her shifts, and it was mostly to check on their charts and administer medications to Naruto.

_'Maybe no one knows what happened…no way, Ino knows and she can't keep her trap shut. So why hasn't anyone come to visit him? They couldn't possibly…hate him? Could they?'_ _he wondered worriedly._

Shikamaru was aware of the reason the villagers hated Naruto, but he at least expected some of the rookie nine or even Gai's team to show up. What about Kakashi, Iruka, or Jiraiya? Surely they cared for their student right? Shikamaru started to feel angry, and had to mentally tell himself to calm down and look for an explanation. There had to be another answer as to why Naruto was hospitalized for four days without so much as a visit from anyone.

It just didn't make any sense. He couldn't believe it. There just couldn't be any way Naruto was truly alone. It wasn't right. Shikamaru knew these people and as far as he knew, or could tell they were all Naruto's friends right? Yes they were his friends. He knew it. He had almost lost faith in his comrades. There had to be another cause for their absences. There just had to be. Shikamaru began to think of the reasons behind why no one would even try to visit the blonde haired boy other than some far-fetched idea that they held some resentment toward him. After a few minutes of ruminating Shikamaru realized he hadn't received any visitors either. He was sure something wasn't adding up now.

There was no way his teammates wouldn't visit him or Naruto. Shikamaru had known Chouji his entire life and Asuma-sensei was a good guy, there's no way they hated Naruto, nor would they leave Shikamaru in the hospital without checking on him unless they were denied visitation. He considered the process of visitation at hospitals and he sighed in realization.

_'The receptionist…'_

Shikamaru groaned in frustration as he realized the receptionist was a civilian and being such she was likely the reason behind their friends absences. He seriously hoped it wasn't like he thought. Refusing someone's visitors at a hospital? It was deplorable, but it was better than the alternative. Still it made him angry on Naruto's behalf. He didn't really care if anyone visited him, but Naruto needed to see people.

He left Naruto for the first time to go find out if his suspicions were right. He took one last glance as he left the room to verify the blonde was still soundly asleep, and he was thanks to all the medication he was on.

Shikamaru walked down to the lobby and posed as a visitor at front desk. The woman behind it smiled warmly at him as he approached. He observed her appearance and thought she looked like a friendly person. Her eyes were bright and she was smiling. Her body language suggested she was the outgoing type. She seemed pretty nice, but it wasn't enough. He had to be sure. He cleared his throat to make his presence known to the girl who was looking through some paperwork. She immediately looked up with a smile.

"Oh, good morning. What can I do for you?," she beamed cheerfully.

"I was hoping to visit a friend of mine today." he replied.

"Okay! What's your friend's name so I can look them up?" she asked.

"Uzumaki Naruto." he replied.

Shikamaru watched her closely as he spoke Naruto's name. He wanted to be absolutely sure of his suspicions before accusing anyone. The first thing he noticed was her hesitance to respond, and her smile momentarily faltered. He watched her fiddle around and pretend to look up Naruto's information. After a moment she responded without even looking up at Shikamaru.

"It looks like he's not allowed any visitors in his current condition." Her voice wasn't very convincing.

"I'm sorry but would you mind checking again please? I was sure I was told I could visit him today." Shikamaru asked again as he angled himself to lean casually on the counter to discretely get a better look at the computer screen.

"Of course not a problem." she replied with a smile but there was a hint of annoyance in her voice this time.

She turned and looked at the computer screen and Shikamaru watched as she typed random letters instead of Naruto's name. He forced himself not to call her out on her lying, and instead tried to keep calm, even though it was difficult for him. He felt his gut heat up with anger. He could only think of Naruto and how lonely he must be.

"Nope, I'm sorry. He can't have any visitors at this time. Maybe he'll be cleared for visitation in a few more days." she replied but it didn't really seem like she was all that sorry.

"Oh, well alright. Thank you." Shikamaru managed to keep his tone polite even though he was pissed. He turned to leave but before doing so he took notice of her name badge. He wasn't going to let this slide it was reprehensible what she was doing.

_He clenched his jaw trying to stave off the growing anger in his gut. He was usually a level headed and had good command over his emotions, but this situation was really testing his limits to that control._

Naruto needed to know that people cared about him. How would he know if people cared when they were all being sent away? Shikamaru knew he had to do something, it wasn't fair. He stopped outside the hospital spotting Ino leaving after her night shift. He caught up with her and filled her in on the situation. She argreed to keep it quiet from the staff, but she wasn't happy about it.

He set off for Tsunade's office to let her know what's been going on in _her_ hospital to one of _her_ shinobi, and not just any shinobi, Naruto. It was easy for most to see Tsunade cared for Naruto more than she should. They had a strange bond whether Naruto realized it or not, she treated him more like a little brother.

Shikamaru climbed the stairs to Hokage tower, his face growing hot mostly from anger and partly from physical exertion on his healing body. He just couldn't believe anyone would do that, at a hospital no less. Receiving visitors is such an important part of one's recovery, to purposely deny someone of that is cruel.

He reached her office and told her everything. Tsunade was furious to say the least. Shikamaru had barely finished telling her before she stormed off to fire and threaten the receptionist's life and made it _very_ clear to the rest of the staff that Naruto was allowed as many visitors as he wanted at any time- no questions asked.

Shikamaru smiled as he watched all of the good his Godaime was doing transpire. The terrified looks on everyone's faces was brilliant, and wished Naruto could have seen it. The overwhelming anger he'd felt before melted away as he saw the receptionist crying and fearing her life from Tsunade's virulent rebuking and threats. The rest of the staff dared not say a word and simply nodded, complying with the Hokage's demands.

Shikamaru went back to Naruto, leaving Tsunade to further rant at the staff with a newly found smile gracing his lips. Ah, sweet revenge. It felt amazing. The brunette knew that compared to all the wrongs done to Naruto his whole life it was merely a drop in the bucket. However, it still felt good to at least fix this for Naruto. His smile faded as he reached Naruto's room and he could hear grumbles of frustration and the sound of papers being rustled about.

Shikamaru entered the room slowly looking around. Naruto sat upright staring at some papers grumbling to himself not seeming to have noticed the brunette's return. His brows scrunched together and his lips formed a scowl as he looked at the papers in his hands.

"Damn it...what does this even mean." Naruto whined rubbing the back of his head in frustration.

"What is it?" Shikamaru asked startling the blonde as sat next to him.

"Oh this? It's nothing really." Naruto replied with a grin and some nervous laughter holding the documents against his chest.

Shikamaru couldn't help but shake his head and sigh before extending his hand toward the blonde, who instinctively tightened his grip on his papers. Shikamaru knew that something about those papers was troubling the blonde even if he tried to hide it.

"Naruto, you don't have to pretend around me. If something is bothering you it's okay to show it, and if you need help I don't mind helping." Shikamaru assured the blonde.

Naruto contemplated accepting help from Shikamaru, because he really needed help from someone and the nurse who brought him the paperwork refused to take the time to help him. He considered for a few more minutes before deciding to ask for help.

"It's these damn release papers…they're kind of confusing…" Naruto replied nervously.

The brunette sighed shaking his head slightly. Finally, he made some progress, small as it might be. Slowly, Naruto was beginning to trust the brunette.

"You are hopeless…hand them here," Shikamaru replied with a smirk lazily extending his hand again.

Naruto handed him the papers and Shikamaru sighed deeply and muttered a few 'troublesomes' as he looked them over. Naruto eyed Shikamaru anxiously waiting to have the papers explained to him. He fidgeted with nerves as he watched Shikamaru's eyes scan the documents.

"Which part didn't you understand?" he asked the blonde after reading through the pages.

Naruto shifted uncomfortably. Being self taught for the most part, his reading skills had never been all that great. This didn't make him stupid, he was just below average at reading and unfortunately writing as well. Yet what he lacked in those areas of basic knowledge, he excelled in other areas, his jutsu's for example. His face turned red when he realized how dumb Shikamaru must have thought he was.

"I…uh…none of it really." he admitted feeling his cheeks heat up with embarrassment.

Naruto expected Shikamaru to laugh at him or get annoyed with him, but to his surprise the lazy shinobi did neither of those. Instead he scooted closer to Naruto and began reading the document to him out loud to help him better understand it. Naruto's face scrunched up hearing the last part of the document.

"So what does that last part mean again?," he asked hoping not to sound too dumb to the genius.

"It's stating that you will have to have someone with at all times where you live. Otherwise they won't let you go home, and you would have to be admitted into the psychiatric ward." Shikamaru explained trying to keep his face nuetral.

"WHAT?! That's not fair! What am I supposed to do? I live alone! I don't have anyone who can stay with me!" Naruto shouted clearly in a panic. "I can't. I won't go to the psychiatric ward. I don't even want to be here." he shrieked.

"Calm down, you can't think of one person who might do this for you?," replied Shikamaru, watching Naruto's reaction to his question. He fully intended to volunteer, but he wanted to see if Naruto understood that he was here because he was his friend, and not because he pitied him.

"No." he replied quietly.

"You know it just states it has to be another person, so I'm sure even a _friend_ would do." Shikamaru hinted with a smile and an elbow nudge to the blonde's side.

Naruto looked up seeing the grin on the brunette's face, and instantly felt his stomach flutter. Naruto pushed the feeling deep inside. He hated the feeling of disappointment so he wanted to be sure he was understanding Shikamaru's meaning before allowing himself to feel happy.

"Wait...are you saying you'll stay with me?" Naruto asked carefully watching Shikamaru's expression.

"What do you think?" the brunette replied with a chuckle.

Naruto saw the expression on Shikamaru's face and his eyes lit up and his lips curved up into a effortless smile. That smile was one Shikamaru could deal with. It was a genuine smile even though it was small and brief. Shikamaru felt warmth blossoming through his gut. The sensation was new and strange, but he wouldn't consider it unpleasant by any means. His hand unconsciously gripped his shirt over his gut.

_'What was that?'_

"Really? You really don't mind?" Naruto asked as he eyed Shikamaru skeptically.

"Nope, not at all." he replied without a hint of uncertainty.

"I mean I don't want you to feel forced into this. I'll be fine on my own ya know." he plastered that grin on his face as he tried to hide his insecurities and loneliness.

"Do you think I'm the type of guy to hang around just because I feel sorry for someone? I'm too lazy to put forward that much effort,Naruto. If I make an offer to help someone out it's because I want to, not because I feel obligated or sorry for them." he responded a bit peeved the blonde thought he was that type of person even though he knew Naruto couldn't help it.

Naruto felt tears sting his eyes as he held them back. He was unable to hold back his smile after hearing Shikamaru put his fear to rest.

"Sorry...I didn't mean it to offend you. I guess it's hard for me to imagine someone would want to hang around me." he apologized with a sheepish grin.

"What a drag, how many times am I going to have to tell you that I'm your friend." Shikamaru asked the blonde bluntly.

He may not understand bonds properly, but hearing Shikamaru announce that he was his friend made the blonde feel warm and giddy inside. Naruto couldn't suppress his feelings fully. He ended up smiling for real.

"I'm sorry...I guess I'm not used to this." he admitted.

"Well, I guess you'll have to get used to it because this paperwork says I'll have to stay until you're fully recovered, which will likely be a month or two at least." Shikamaru informed the blonde watching him smile.

"Thank you." was all Naruto could say as he held his arm over his eyes trying to hide his tears from Shikamaru.

"It's no big deal." Shikamaru muttered quickly looking away as he felt his cheeks grow hot.

Once the paperwork was finished Naruto was cleared to go home the next day. It was surprising to Shikamaru that Naruto would be cleared to leave so soon. He supposed it had to do with the nine tail's chakra inside Naruto. Although, rapid healing really wore the blonde out. He was never awake for more than a few hours at a time, and it wasn't surprising for Shikamaru that Naruto was already drifting off again.

Shikamaru watched Naruto sleep absently smiling as he watched the blondes chest rise and fall. It was strange he hadn't even needed to give it any thought before he volunteered to stay with Naruto during his recovery. He just wanted to stay with the blonde and when Naruto smiled, it was like nothing he had ever felt before. It was hard to describe, nonetheless explain.

"You _like_ him don't you?," rang a teasing voice from behind.

Shikamaru turned to see Tsunade leaning in the doorway a smirk present on her face. He noticed folded papers in her hand.

"Of course I like him," he replied, confused and completely missing the meaning of what she'd said.

Tsunade just smiled at him. He stared curiously at her, until it dawned on him by what she'd meant by _like_. It felt like someone set his face on fire.

"NO! No! No! Not like that! He's my friend- a comrade!," he replied shaking his head and waving his hands in front of himself.

"I'm just teasing you, no need to get so embarrassed about it..." she smirked.

Tsunade stifled a giggle as she approached Shikamaru, papers in hand. He raised an eyebrow questioningly at the Hokage. She observed the pink hue spreading across the young shinobi's face with a fox like grin. She wondered if her teasing had been on the money.

"Well, I read over the release papers Naruto filled out and I saw he put your name down." she spoke seriously and pointed to his name on the document.

"Yea I know. I told him I'd stay with him. Is that a problem?" Shikamaru asked defensively.

"No…I just wanted to be sure you knew what he'd gotten you into. He maybe recovering for a month or more." she explained to the boy.

"Yea, well...somehow I don't mind. My parents have been gone on a long term mission for some time now…it might be nice to have some company anyway." He shrugged thinking of the blonde.

Shikamaru couldn't let them put Naruto into the psychiatric ward. He didn't like the way the hospital staff treated him in the ICU. He couldn't imagine what they might get away with if he was put there. He just couldn't let Naruto be all alone again, and especially not there.

"Okay. I just wanted to make sure you understood the implications. I'm just going to need your signature a few more times." she replied handing him a clip board with additional paperwork.

She may be the Hokage, but that didn't mean he was about to blindly put his signature to anything. He took the papers and settled down to read them thoroughly. Basically, the papers were just stating the hospital is not liable in the event of a relapse, and that by signing these documents he would be held responsible for any sudden relapses Naruto may have. He could handle that.

_Why so many damn signatures?'_

Shikamaru finished reading and signed his name on several lines before he was finally finished. Satisfied that every line had been signed and dated Tsunade took the papers to have them filed, lingering a moment in the doorway with a smirk aimed at Shikamaru before closing the door behind her.

_'What's she up to?'_ _he wondered._

Before Shikamaru could pursue these thoughts any further a knock was heard at the door. It couldn't be Tsunade again, she just left. It was probably one of the nurses making rounds. He eyed the door intently waiting for someone to enter.

"Come in." he called lazily from his chair in between the two beds.

Despite being told to enter no one did and they knocked again only louder this time. He could hear several voices outside whispering. He pried his tired body from the chair with audible sigh.

Shikamaru opened the door to see some of the visitors Naruto had 'missed' the past couple of days. It actually appeared to be the rookie nine except for Sakura and Sasuke. Not a huge shock to him, and it was probably for the best since he wasn't sure he could be play nice with them any time soon. Even team Gai showed up.

Everyone entered as quietly as possible. Well they tried, especially Kiba and Lee, but everyone knows they're just as loud as Naruto. Everyone shushed them furiously, as they entered seeing that Naruto was sleeping.

An unusually distraught looking Neji pulled Shikamaru off to the side. He had to know if it was true or not. He had to. He just couldn't believe it. He just couldn't believe that NARUTO would do this to himself, not after the match they had at the chunnin exams. Not after everything Naruto said to Neji and Hinata about ' _I never go back on my word! That's my nindo! My ninja way!'_ Had it all been a lie? Neji changed his way of thinking, if only slightly, because of these words and Hinata had made real changes because of Naruto's nindo. He couldn't allow himself to believe it. He just couldn't.

"Is what Ino said true?," the usually stoic shinobi asked Shikamaru.

Shikamaru wasn't sure if Naruto wanted EVERYONE to know the details. He wasn't sure what to say. In fact since three days ago he and Naruto hadn't mentioned any of it again. He was in a tight spot. It was pretty obvious it was true, so he decided he'd tell them the truth or at least why he was there, but he would not reveal the personal details Naruto had shared with him. He wouldn't breech the trust he was slowly earning from Naruto.

"Yes." he answered quietly.

"I just can't believe it…not Naruto,?" replied Neji, stumbling back a bit.

Neji discreetly activated his byakugan to look at Naruto's chakra flow and internal damage. He could feel his eyes stinging with tears he refused to show anyone. The damage was extensive even after the healing and surgeries. It made Neji's stomach turn thinking about it.

"It's really true…," he muttered. "I just…I dunno…what to say…what to think…not anymore." he whispered mostly to himself.

Their conversation was interrupted by Kiba. He looked really worriedly at Naruto. Akamaru stood next to Kiba and let out a whine, making Kiba shift his weight anxiously. They both stared at the blonde sleeping.

"Oi Shikamaru, why isn't he waking up? Is he going to be okay?" Kiba asked hesitantly.

"It's all the medicine they have him on." he responded sadly.

"Do you think he'll wake up soon?" Kiba asked hopefully.

Shikamaru shook his head. It was unlikely Naruto was going to wake up any time soon. It was late afternoon and he had been recently given a sedative and painkillers. He tried to nudge Naruto awake, but he just mumbled something incoherent in his sleep and turned on his side.

"I can't stay any longer. Give him this and tell him I stopped by twice but I was told he couldn't have visitors. Please make sure you tell him," Kiba requested guiltily.

He regretted having to leave. Shikamaru took the envelope from Kiba, which he imagined was a 'get well soon' card. Shikamaru nodded and Kiba left reluctantly. He had promised to help his sister with a new batch of ninja dogs recently born. Akamaru lingered next to Naruto licking his hand before following Kiba out. Naruto still didn't stir from his sleep.

Shikamaru looked around and noticed that just about everyone had gifts for Naruto. Shikamaru wished Naruto would have woken up for his visitors, but once he took his afternoon medicine he was out for hours. Shikamaru suspected it was done deliberately to keep the blonde from trying to leave or hurt himself further.

Everyone stayed for as long as they could, but Naruto slept right through. It was Hinata who had stayed the longest. Shikamaru observed her actions. He imagined she must have cared a great deal about Naruto and the fool didn't have a clue though it was obvious to the entire rookie nine.

Hinata hadn't said a word the whole time and even looked close to tears at times. She had activated her byakugan to get a better look of what lye underneath the bandages. Her eyes watered up and she too had to leave shortly after. Not even five minutes after Hinata left did Naruto wake up, sitting up groggily.

The blonde's eyes slowly surveyed the room. There were fruit baskets, flowers, cards, and candy. All of which proved he had friends. His eyes were wide with shock. They couldn't be his? Could they?

"Hey, where'd all that stuff come from?" he asked curiously.

_'Boy are you troublesome…,_ _'_ thought Shikamaru as he sighed.

"Everyone came to visit you but you slept right through it." his voice full of exasperation.

"You mean people came to see me?," Naruto asked wide eyed in disbelief.

"Yes, they came to see you." Shikamaru clarified for the blonde to be sure he understood people definitely wanted to see him.

"Wait...so everyone really came to see me and YOU LET ME SLEEP RIGHT THROUGH IT?!"he screeched the last part.

"We all tried to wake you, but you were out cold, probably because of the medications."he replied recovering from having his ear yelled in.

Naruto felt badly for having missed his visitors. He wondered if they were mad because he slept right through their visit. He hoped no one was upset with him. Then a thought crossed his mind and his smile faded. Maybe they visited because they felt obligated, after all it had been four days without anyone even stopping in, so why all of sudden did they all stop by he wondered.

"Why now?," he asked suspiciously.

Shikamaru couldn't bring himself to tell the blonde that the receptionist had been sending away his friends. He didn't think he could handle the hurt that would cross Naruto's features. Shikamaru couldn't do it, so he lied.

"Apparently, there was an error in the hospitals system and they denied your visitors until it was corrected today.” he did his best to keep his face as aloof as possible.

"Did the error effect a lot of patients?" he asked cautiously.

“Yea it was a drag Tsunade was yelling at everybody until it was all fixed.” he fibbed.

“I bet she totally lost it.” he replied laughing.

That was easier than he thought it would be, and Naruto seemed happy with it.

Naruto smiled trying to look at the stuff he'd gotten but they were too far from his reach. The brunette watched as Naruto tried to squirm closer to his gifts with his arms reaching for the nightstand. Shikamaru sighed and lifted himself from his chair and walked over gathering the various gifts and placed them on the bed for Naruto to see better.

It was still difficult for Naruto to move and he really wasn't supposed to because the stitches on his abdomen could rip open if he wasn't careful. Not to mention the medicine made his body feel heavy and stiff. So he had to be careful and Shikamaru knew he wouldn't so he had to keep the blonde from moving too much.

"Thanks." He beamed.

Naruto looked through the cards and his eyes watered seeing how much everyone cared. Part of him wished the thought of killing himself never crossed his mind, but he still felt like everyone would be better off without him. He enjoyed Kiba's card most for the fact he'd actually tried to draw him a card. The cover had some crude stick figures which he assumed to be the both of them and the blob next to them was most likely Akamaru. It made him laugh.

The fruit basket from Chouji was the best one he'd ever seen. It contained apples, pineapple, grapes, bananas, oranges, and some berries. Team Gai gave him a combined gift which composed of a 'get well soon' card and a green jumpsuit to boost his youthfulness and speed up his recovery. The jumpsuit was most likely Gai sensei and Lee's idea. Naruto smiled lifting the jumpsuit from the box and inwardly couldn't wait to try it on.

Shikamaru cringed at the thought of Naruto wearing that ridiculous outfit.

_'I'll have to hide it. A good friend wouldn't let anyone wear that.'_

Hinata had brought him a card and her special healing cream. Shino had given him a box with holes. It worried Naruto but he opened to find a strange looking bug. There was a card and it indicated that it was some special kind of bug that brings good luck or something. Naruto shuddered. Leave it to Shino to think everyone loves bugs as a gift. Naruto shut the box carefully.

_God Shino's so weird..._

Ino of course brought the blonde some flowers. Little did everyone know but Naruto actually liked plants and flowers. He smiled at all the gifts. They had been so nice to bring them. He never knew he had so many friends. By now the blonde was crying again and Shikamaru knew these tears were different. They were tears of joy. Shikamaru felt a smile tugging at his lips and the warm feeling spreading again.

_'What is this feeling?'_ _it wasn't painful just made him uneasy._

It didn't take long for Naruto to grow sleepy again and he struggled to put his gifts back on the table next to him. Shikamaru once again sighed and lifted himself from his chair to help out his friend even though Naruto wouldn't ask for help yet.

No matter how many times he sighed or muttered the word _troublesome_ it was all an act. He didn't mind helping Naruto one bit. He wanted to help Naruto even though he couldn't understand his feelings about him completely. All the brunette knew was that Naruto's real smile made him feel like he was outside on a sunny day.

The gifts were set neatly on the nightstand which Shikamaru moved closer to the bed. He knew Naruto had a lot of trouble lifting up his arms very high or reaching due to all the stitches in his abdomen. Naruto sleepily thanked him before laying back in bed. His eyes drooped and he was out cold moments later.

Shikamaru smiled as he tucked Naruto in bed. He lingered over him for a moment with a small smile gracing his lips. Today had been such a good day for Naruto, and he hoped he'd have more because Naruto deserved it.

"Good night Naruto," He whispered.


	5. Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: The characters depicted, settings, and some terminology in this fan work are the property of Masashi Kishimoto. The views and opinions of this fan based work in no way reflect the views or opinions of Masashi Kishimoto. This is a fanfiction written purely for entertainment purposes and nothing more. The author of this fan based work receives no profit gain in writing this

Home  
  


The cool night air blew across Shikamaru's face, causing him to inhale slow and deep. It was refreshing. The tension in his shoulders fell away upon exhaling. His thoughts strayed to Naruto, who he left asleep at the hospital. He wanted to help Naruto. He wondered if he would be able to change anything for Naruto. He sighed. Normally, he would already have a plan of attack, but he still lacking enough understanding of Naruto's life. He could piece bits together with the information he already knew, but he had no idea the extent of misfortune the blonde lived with on a daily basis.

Shikamaru determined the blonde would likely be out cold for the rest of the night so he stepped out for some fresh air and a walk. There was convenience store a few streets over from the hospital. He wanted to browse their selection of snacks. He briefly wondered what snacks Naruto would like. He frowned realizing just how little he knew about someone he'd considered his friend. He came here hoping the combination of the walk and a snack would help him get a full nights sleep. He hadn't been getting much sleep the last few days. His sleep was haunted with nightmares.

He shook his head trying to rid himself of the mental image of Naruto's bathroom covered in blood and broken glass. Sometimes, it still didn't feel real to Shikamaru. However, the flashes of that day reminded him it was very real. Shikamaru felt his jaw clench tight thinking about the expression in the blonde's eyes that day. They were different than he'd ever seen the blonde look. So empty. So cold. He suppressed a shudder.

_Naruto_ _._

It was then it dawned on him that Naruto would be released from the hospital the next day. He grimaced at the thought of the mess that awaited Naruto at home. Shikamaru felt a tightness in the pit of stomach at the thought of Naruto returning home, and having to see his own blood everywhere. He wondered what effect the sight would have on his mental state. No, he couldn't let Naruto go home to that mess.

He purchased some cleaning supplies. The way to Naruto's apartment building was dimly lit as he walked a dragging pace. He had conflicted feelings about entering the blonde's home uninvited again. He pondered if he should have gotten permission first. He couldn't just enter someone's home right? He stopped in the middle of the road contemplating if he should go through with it. His stomach churned with nerves. It took a minute or so before he could be honest with himself about why he was really hesitating. He knew Naruto wasn't going to angry with him for cleaning up. The truth was he was scared of how he'd feel going back there.

The brunette sighed and resumed his walk, however unpleasant this would be for him didn't matter. It would be much more unpleasant for Naruto to deal with himself. Shikamaru inhaled and exhaled slowly in an attempt at calming his nerves as he neared Naruto's apartment.

The events of that day slowly resurfaced. Shikamaru could feel a slight tremble in his hands before he pushed the thoughts away. Those thoughts had no place in his mind right now. Naruto was alive and recovering. He stood in front of Naruto's doorway for a moment. He reached out a trembling hand and opened the door. The door creaked loudly startling the brunette from his thoughts.

His hand gripped the bag of cleaning supplies tightly as he entered the apartment. His free hand shakily groped the walls looking for a light switch, until he finally found it. One small dimly lit, light fixture in the middle of the hall turned on. He really didn't see much of the blonde's apartment because of his nerves and the poor lighting.

Shikamaru pressed on down the hallway passed the kitchen and bedroom towards the bathroom.

He lingered in the bathroom doorway. The coppery smell made his stomach retch. He felt around for the light switch. The light flickered on and all he saw was red. Blood was everywhere although most of it was in the center of the room. He could see dried blood pooled around the spot Naruto had been that day. Shikamaru took his first step into the bathroom and winced feeling glass crunching beneath his feet. He looked around as he unpacked the cleaning supplies. His gaze landed on the remnants of the broken mirror.

That day rushed back pushing through Shikamaru's defenses. He couldn't have stopped the tears from spilling out even if he tried. It was like a dam that collapsed. He stood right where Naruto had stood, and sobbed uncontrollably.

_"Uzumaki Naruto never existed."_

Shikamaru thought that knowing why would help, but it didn't. Truthfully there wasn't much of anything he could do to change things for Naruto. He couldn't change the fact he was a jinchuuriki. He couldn't change the way the villagers felt. Shikamaru slammed his fist down on the counter top. The only thing he could do was be there for him, but that couldn't be enough.

It was the first time he had no plan, no strategy, nothing at all. He'd thought about how he could help for days. Supposedly he was the best tactician in the village, and yet he couldn't seem to find a way to solve Naruto's problems. Thinking about it made Shikamaru feel as though he was drowning. It wasn't often Shikamaru got emotional or even this _angry_. It seemed the blonde evoked this sort of emotion from him. Usually he would sit down and think until he came up with a plan, but this time it was different. He couldn't calm down, and he didn't know the why.

_"You like him don't you?,"_

Tsunade's teasing words rang in his ears. Could it possible she'd noticed something he wasn't yet aware of himself? He didn't know. He considered Naruto to be his friend and he felt they had a bond. He felt himself thinking of Naruto often, and even finding helping him less troublesome than he'd anticipated. Did he _like_ Naruto? He wasn't sure he ever liked someone before so he definitely didn't know how it would feel.

He shook the unnecessary thoughts from his mind to concentrate on the task at hand. He wiped the tears off his eyes, and his gaze refocused to his surroundings. The amount of blood Naruto lost was sickening. He still couldn't believe Naruto was able to live after losing so much blood. Well, he supposed the reason he survived was the kyuubi given the flaming chakra that brought Naruto from the brink. He cringed thinking how the reason Naruto was alive today was also the blonde's source of pain.

He scrubbed for hours it seemed however barely an hour had passed. His thoughts were consumed by the blonde the entire time. Shikamaru felt partially responsible for some of Naruto's suffering. He considered Naruto his friend, but he failed to see him struggling. He hated that he never noticed before. He considered whether he even deserved to call Naruto his friend still. He clenched his eyes tightly hoping in vain to stop fresh tears from spilling out.

He had felt it the moment he stepped inside Naruto's apartment. The loneliness seemed to emanate from the walls. It was cold and dark even with the lights on it was still dismal feeling. It was a horrible place. Although he didn't get a thorough look through he could tell it wasn't a nice place to live. He couldn't imagine himself growing up all alone in this apartment. It was depressing. Why hadn't _anyone_ noticed? Surely he wasn't the first person to see Naruto's home. Then he had a thought even worse cross his mind. What if he wasn't the first to see Naruto's home? That would mean they knew and didn't do anything. They left him here in this dismal place alone. Shikamaru balled up his hand into a fist at his side. Now he hoped he was the first person here.

_'Either way this sucks.'_ he thought as he left.

Shikamaru walked back to the hospital with hands in his pockets. His tears had long since dried leaving a sticky feel to his cheeks. His feelings for Naruto still confused him, but they were there and were real. That's all he could confirm for now. He was content with that for the time being. He wouldn't let Naruto suffer alone in silence ever again. He would strive to be someone who deserved the blondes friendship.

He found the walk back to the hospital went much quicker than his walk to Naruto's apartment, likely due to him wanting to see Naruto.

He stifled a laugh at Naruto's sleep posture. He was sprawled out with one leg over the bedside and the sheets all twisted around his body. He couldn't stop the goofy grin that spread across his face even if he wanted too. He lingered watching the blonde for a few moments before silently packing up Naruto's gifts to make things easier on himself in the morning. Shikamaru should have felt exhausted but he couldn't relax. His thoughts were on tomorrow. He was happy Naruto would get to leave the hospital tomorrow, but he wasn't happy Naruto would have to go back to that apartment.

Shikamaru settled down onto his bed and stared up at the ceiling. He wondered about Naruto's current mental state. He wanted to know how Naruto was feeling, and if he still wanted or planned to kill himself. It worried Shikamaru to think about. He contemplated asking Naruto tomorrow about it, but he wasn't sure if he could handle hearing his answer. He probably wouldn't ask. It hurt to think about.

_'What could I even do?'_ Shikamaru asked himself.

Shikamaru's saddened eyes gazed up at the cracks in the ceiling. He wondered if telling Naruto how he'd been feeling would help. He frowned. No, he couldn't say for sure he _liked_ Naruto. He contemplated it for a few minutes. The brunette sighed dismissing the idea.

He didn't know if Naruto felt even the slightest bit like he did. Besides, he might be wrong about his own feelings. That would be even worse. What if Naruto did have a similar feeling about their bond, and Shikamaru let him down? That would be so much worse he decided. He couldn't chance hurting him. He'd keep his feelings a secret for now.

"Shikamaru?" Naruto whispered voice almost got lost in the shuffling sounds of blankets.

Shikamaru was startled from his thoughts. He squinted through the darkness and noticed the blonde struggle to sit up on his own, but resisted the urge to jump up and help him. He knew it was wrong to baby him. Naruto was strong, and he was perfectly capable of sitting up on his own.

"Is everything alright? You left a while ago." he asked cautiously.

"Oh. I was just…taking a walk." He half lied.

"I thought maybe you went home…" he whispered wistfully.

"Baka, I wouldn't leave without saying anything first." Shikamaru responded indignantly.

“Yea that's true, sorry.” he chuckled sleepily.

“It's okay.”

Shikamaru managed to fall asleep not too long after Naruto.

Shikamaru woke as the sunlight started to shine through the window. He opened his eyes groggily. Normally he wouldn't have woken up so early, but he knew Naruto would be wanting to leave as soon as possible. It was all he talked about getting out of there and going home. Shikamaru rolled out of bed and dressed clumsily due to his tired state.

Naruto was still sleeping soundly despite the awkward position in which he slept. He was half hanging off the bed with the covers tangled about him. Shikamaru grinned seeing as that seemed to be the blonde's usual sleeping position. He walked silently over to him. Shikamaru gently nudged Naruto's body back onto the bed, and carefully freed the blonde from the covers. Naruto's skin was cold to the touch and his skin raised with goosebumps. He gently pulled the covers back over him.

Shikamaru lingered close to Naruto's face after having pulled the covers over the blonde. Warmth spread through his chest watching the serene expression on Naruto's face. His gaze traced the features of the sleeping blonde's face noticing his whiskered cheeks. _Cute_. His cheeks burned at the thought.

Shikamaru heard a knock on the door before it slowly slid open. A very sleepy looking Tsunade entered the room with a clipboard. She grabbed Naruto's chart and flipped through the pages giving it one last check before signing the patient release form.

"I'm glad you're awake. I need to speak with you about Naruto." She spoke her voice still hoarse from sleep.

Shikamaru nodded giving the Hokage his full attention. He started to worry maybe the blonde wouldn't be able to go home today. He knew Naruto looked forward to getting out of the hospital, even if Shikamaru was unsure if it was really wise to release him so soon.

"Has his situation changed?" Shikamaru asked apprehensively.

"No, everything seems to be in order, he can go home whenever he wakes up." she replied sluggishly.

She handed him a large envelope filled with paperwork. Shikamaru hoped it wasn't anything he'd have to fill out, as he'd already filled out a bunch of paperwork. He opened the packet and began leafing through the papers.

"What's all this?" he questioned distractedly looking through the papers.

"Inside this packet are care sheets for each of Naruto's major injuries. It details how they should be cleaned and how often his bandages will need to be changed. It's going to be difficult to get him to cooperate, are you sure you can handle it?" Tsunade asked tone serious.

"I can handle Naruto, and if it gets too troublesome I'll just use my shadow possession jutsu." Shikamaru stated matter -of -factly. He knew he could get Naruto to cooperate.

"You might just be the right person to keep Naruto in line after all."

"It's going to be a drag, but someone needs to be there for him." Shikamaru replied with sigh.

Tsunade could tell he was exaggerating just how troublesome taking care of Naruto would be, and couldn't help the way her lips pulled into a smile. She was happy Naruto had someone like Shikamaru watching over him during this time. He may be a lazy kid, but Shikamaru never committed to anything he had no intentions of seeing through to the end. She completely trusted Shikamaru to take excellent care of Naruto. She was loathed to admit she was worried about Naruto staying in the her hospital not knowing how her staff felt about Naruto. This was a safer option for Naruto.

"What about his medications and check up schedule?" Shikamaru asked searching through the envelope.

"I've already sent his prescriptions to the pharmacy and covered the cost. They should be waiting for pick up by now, and Ino will be in charge of his weekly check ups. It should be detailed on one of those papers." She answered taking the packet of papers and shuffling through to the appropriate page.

"Okay. Is there anything else I should do or know?" Shikamaru asked.

"Keep an eye on him." she replied solemnly.

Shikamaru nodded in reply. It was then Naruto sprang awake seemingly full of energy. He looked around the room and saw Tsunade and began yelling and whining. His medications that made him sleepy had finally worn off. Shikamaru was glad to see Naruto awake and less groggy. He didn't like how medicated they'd been keeping him during his stay.

"Baa-chan! Can I go home yet?" whined Naruto loudly.

Tsunade couldn't help but laugh at his energetic yells. Shikamaru cringed at the assault on his ears so early in the morning.

_'On second thought a medicated Naruto is a quiet Naruto.'_ he thought to himself as the ringing in his ear slowly dissipated.

"Yup, you're good to leave whenever you like." She smiled at the blonde boy, but shot a smirk at Shikamaru before leaving to finish her rounds.

_'Ugh...What's with the freakin smirk?!'_ Shikamaru inwardly groaned.

He watched her curiously as she left. There was no way his feelings were this obvious to her. He wasn't even entirely sure of how he felt. Surely she'd been teasing him before about _liking_ Naruto. Could she really know?

"Oi Shikamaru! You okay?" Naruto asked observing the distracted look on Shikamaru's face.

"Yea, sorry I was just thinking." He muttered staring at the door Tsunade had left through.

"What were you thinking about?" the blonde asked genuinely interested.

"It was nothing really, just thinking it'll be nice to get outside and cloud watch." he replied with a grin.

"Well what are we waiting for then? Let's go! Time to get back to my training!" exclaimed the blonde loudly.

_'He doesn't really think he's in any shape to train right?'_ the brunette wondered if the blonde was really that dense or if he was messing with him.

"Absolutely not." Shikamaru asserted.

The blonde winced in pain as he jumped from the bed. He seemed unbothered by the pain and made a race for the window. Naruto was hyperactive by nature and being cooped up this long was a lot for him. He looked back at Shikamaru and grinned that fox grin.

_'He's going to be a real handful.'_ he sighed in realization.

"Naruto-baka, you aren't even dressed to go outside let alone train." Shikamaru spoke in sheer exasperation.

Naruto looked down at himself blushing as he came to the realization he was wearing only a hospital gown and his boxers. The blonde's eyes hastily searched the room for his clothes.

"Ugh! Damn it! Where are my clothes!" Naruto screeched looking underneath his bed. Naruto's face contorted in pain and it didn't go unnoticed by the lazy nin. Shikamaru caught him in his shadow possession jutsu.

"Hey take it easy, you're not going to train any time soon." Shikamaru ordered.

"Come on I gotta start my training!" his voice held a high pitched whine.

Shikamaru frowned at the blood speckles on the front of Naruto's hospital gown. He must have ripped one of his stitches open. Shikamaru walked towards Naruto causing the blonde to mirror his actions. He smirked at Naruto's scowl and verbal protests. When Naruto was close enough he released the jutsu and grabbed him by the shoulders. Naruto gawked at the brunette unsure of his next move.

"What a drag, we haven't even left yet and you've already opened up one of your wounds?" he sighed grasping Naruto's gown.

"I'm fine." he retorted swatting Shikamaru's hand away.

"No, you're not _fine_." he answered pointing out the blood spots that bleed through the hospital gown.

"It's not a big deal really." the blonde responded tone indifferent.

"I'm supposed to be taking care of you, and I won't let you be reckless." his tone had a warning edge to it.

Naruto didn't struggle in fact he froze in place watching Shikamaru's face. The serious expression he was being given told him he shouldn't try anything. Naruto felt a strange feeling looking at Shikamaru's face. It was a odd sensation in his gut, like butterflies fluttering around. Although, the most unsettling thing to Naruto was the fact he didn't seem to mind Shikamaru's touch. Usually Naruto felt anxious when people touched him even though he hid it well.

Shikamaru once again felt that warmth radiating through his gut. It was bit different this time, but still just as new to him. He wouldn't be able to explain it properly if someone asked, but he didn't hate the feeling it was troublesome, but not bad.

"Fine, I'll wait a few days." he conceded.

_'Geeze, what stubborn guy.'_ _Shikamaru thought to himself with a lopsided grin_ _._

Seeing as Naruto wasn't about to bolt Shikamaru released his shoulders to tug at the hem of Naruto's hospital gown. The blonde's brow knit in confusion. He could feel the heat radiating from his cheeks as Shikamaru's hand brushed against his stomach.

"What are you doing?!" he stammered completely flustered waving his arms around.

"You're bleeding. Remember?" Shikamaru responded straight-faced.

"Oh...right I forgot." he laughed nervously moving to lift his gown up on his own.

Shikamaru observed in awe as the ripped skin around the stitching closed itself. It was one thing to know Naruto could heal himself, but it was incredible to see. He didn't need hand signs or byakugo seals like Tsunade. It was incredible. He must have stared too long, because Naruto dropped his gown back over his abdomen.

“Naruto, that was amazing.” he muttered unconsciously.

“I- uh...really? I mean it's the kyuubi's power not mine.” he stuttered through his shocked response.

“I wonder about that.” Shikamaru contemplated aloud. “Do you consciously heal or is it automatic?”

Naruto eyed Shikamaru curiously for a moment. This was the first time someone had asked him questions like this aside from maybe Jiraiya-sensei. It was new for him. Shikamaru seemed completely unbothered by him and the nine tails inside him. He wasn't even sure how to respond.

“I think it's automatic? I can heal small cuts and abrasions almost instantly. I'm not sure if it was always like that. I think when I was very young I had to concentrate on it?” he watched Shikamaru's expression cautiously as he answered.

“Interesting.” Shikamaru hummed in response.

“I could probably go back to training today and cause only minor damage if any at all." he answered with a forced grin.

"Minor damage is still damage. You won't be training until Tsunade removes your stitches." He warned the blonde shinobi.

"Fine." He mumbled looking away.

Naruto looked around the room eyes searching for something. Shikamaru noticed the crestfallen expression and the sadness in Naruto's eyes stung Shikamaru. He wondered what had him down so suddenly. He wondered if maybe he shouldn't have asked about the nine tails or his healing. He silently cursed himself for being so insensitive.

"Hey, what's that face for?”

"Everyone's gifts to me, there gone." he pouted.

Shikamaru saw the pout and looked away quickly, almost blushing. He could feel the room getting warmer. This was going to be a long month and half if something so simple has him feeling like this.

"I packed them up for you. See they're right over here." Shikamaru spoke motioning to the several bags he'd have to carry to Naruto's house. Naruto calmed down knowing his things weren't stolen. Naruto's stomach gave a loud growl without warning.

"I'm STARVING!" He yelled realizing he hadn't eaten since lunch the day before.

"Let's get ready to head out then."

"Uh..what about my clothes?" asked Naruto in his hospital gown and boxers.

"Oh yea, sorry they got thrown away."

Naruto started to rummage through the bags looking for the gift from Gai's team. Shikamaru looked on horrified as the blonde pulled out the green jump suit. Shikamaru's face dropped realizing the blonde seriously intended on wearing the ridiculous thing out in public no less.

_'I thought I threw that thing out!'_

"Uh…here!"

Shikamaru had tossed some of his own clothes to Naruto who thankfully put back the jumpsuit.

"Thanks! I didn't want to risk possibly getting blood on it before I even got a chance to train wearing them."

"So it's okay to get blood on my clothes?" He teased the blonde.

"No, no I didn't mean that! I just..." he trailed off nervously eyeing the clothes in his hands.

"Don't be so serious I was joking. These clothes are old so don't worry about it." Shikamaru interrupted the blonde. He knew he shouldn't tease Naruto like that.

Shikamaru turned quickly as Naruto started undressing in front of him. Shikamaru felt the blush inch across his face. He wondered if Naruto noticed. He hoped not. Naruto had been through enough. He didn't need Shikamaru and his confusion right now. He waited until the ruffling of clothing stopped and glanced over his shoulder at Naruto.

"Well let's go!" yelled Naruto throwing his fist into the air. "OUCH!" He grunted hunching over holding his stomach.

"You gotta take it easy idiot." Shikamaru winced at his choice in words, but Naruto didn't seem to notice.

Shikamaru grabbed most of the bags. He figured it would be an insult to carry all the bags for him. After all Naruto was by no means weak. In fact he was one of the strongest shinobi in his age range, and likely would become very important to the village one day.

They left the hospital headed to the pharmacy first. Shikamaru paid careful attention to the villagers as they walked. He couldn't believe he hadn't ever noticed something so blatantly obvious. He glared at a few while Naruto just appeared to be oblivious. Naruto smiled at the villagers and even said "Good Morning" to them. Shikamaru couldn't believe it Naruto was being so nice to people who treated him so cruelly.

"Why are you talking to them?" He hissed.

Naruto could hear the anger behind his question. He smiled sadly at the brunette.

"It's not their fault." Naruto replied softly.

Shikamaru was about to argue further when out of nowhere stones were being flung through the air hitting both of them. Naruto kept right on walking like nothing was happening while Shikamaru was livid and yelling at the villagers. Naruto placed a hand on his shoulder effectively stopping the brunette.

"Look, this stuff happens to me every day. I don't want to give them any more reason to hate me so please bare with it and ignore it." he said with that fake smile.

"But…Naruto…" he wavered.

"Stop, please. I'm sorry you got caught up in this." he pleaded and apologized.

Shikamaru sighed and realized if he stepped in now and helped things would probably be worse for Naruto. However, that didn't mean he agreed with Naruto's approach. He cringed at the foul things they called him, and Naruto just smiled and waved trying to be as polite as possible. It physically hurt staying silent while Naruto was suffering.

_'_ _They don't deserve this kindness.'_

After what felt like an eternity of walking through hell they finally reached the pharmacy. Naruto insisted on waiting outside. He told Shikamaru things would go faster if they didn't see him. Shikamaru cringed at Naruto's explanation, but he reluctantly went in without Naruto. He didn't like the idea of leaving him outside on his own around these people, but if it would get Naruto home faster it would be worth it. He glanced back at Naruto before entering and the blonde flashed him a wide grin.

_'Fake smiles aren't going to fool me anymore.'_

Shikamaru received the medications quickly and without incident. He wasted no time getting back to Naruto. He exited the store to see two villagers towering over Naruto who was on the ground. It was daylight out in the middle of the street. He couldn't believe what he was seeing.

"Couldn't just die could you?!" yelled a tall thin man.

"I…I…" he stammered trying to pull himself to his feet.

"You should have died!" yelled a woman sobbing.

"Bastard fox! You cost my wife her job!" the man yelled with venom in his tone.

He recognized the woman as the receptionist from the hospital. He was torn between honoring Naruto's wishes of not getting involved and punching that guys lights out. He couldn't help but think they both deserved it, but Naruto didn't want that. His fists hung clenched at his sides and his jaw was tight.

They had him on the ground kicking him. Shock kept him in place longer than he should have. Shikamaru's eyes welled up as he caught them both in his shadow possession. His whole body was tense with anger. It took everything he had to just hold them in place and do nothing else.

Naruto dragged himself to standing barely concealing his wince of pain. Shikamaru was panting whether from anger or using his jutsu Naruto wasn't sure. He placed a hand on the brunette's shoulder. Naruto felt some of the tension release with his touch.

"Please, just let them go. It's over." He begged.

"You're serious?" Shikamaru snapped at the blonde.

"Yea."

Shikamaru released the jutsu and started walking away reluctantly without teaching them a lesson. His heart was pounding. His anger was getting the better of him. He was trying his best to hide it. He didn't want Naruto to become upset with him, but he was having trouble letting it go. He never wanted to see Naruto hurt by anyone again.

After a few minutes Shikamaru was able to calm himself down as the adrenaline wore off. The blonde's hand clutched his side. Shikamaru could see the blood seep through his fingers. He cursed himself he hadn't noticed at first in his agitated state.

"Hey! You're bleeding."

"It's okay, it's probably healed already." He replied with a grin.

"Are you sure?"

"Yea…and sorry about your shirt." He apologized.

Naruto looked at the dirt and blood on it and then to the ground. He was really only kidding about not caring if he got blood on Shikamaru's clothes back at the hospital. Now he felt awful for having ruined a perfectly good shirt.

"Hey, it's fine. Don't worry about it." He assured the blonde it wasn't a big deal.

_'This guy is something else, worried about a shirt more than himself.'_

It was then he noticed how much better Naruto looked when he wasn't that obnoxiously bright orange outfit he usually wore. He actually looked pretty good wearing Shikamaru's clothes. He looked like a 'real' shinobi, not that he wasn't it's just now he looked the part. Shikamaru realized he was staring and looked at the ground. Shikamaru inwardly scolded himself for his thoughts. He shouldn't be thinking of Naruto like that especially now of all times.

They finally made it to Naruto's apartment. Naruto stopped in the doorway. He wasn't sure he wanted to go in. That place was like his 'prison'. He was always alone. Shikamaru nudged him lightly. Naruto smiled though Shikamaru saw through it.

The loneliness was stifling the two them as they entered. It really did seem to emanate from the walls. Naruto's eyes swept his home. The bathroom door was wide open and the inside was visible.

"How?" he asked surprised the blood was gone.

"I cleaned it last night. Sorry I didn't ask you. I just didn't want you doing it yourself."

"Thanks." He muttered lost in his thoughts of that day.

Naruto stared into the bathroom a moment more before looking back at Shikamaru with _that_ smile. Shikamaru inwardly cringed knowing how fake it really was. He wished Naruto would just stop using it all together. He refused to taken for a fool by that grin ever again. He looked into Naruto's eyes while he smiled, and his eyes said everything. He smiled while his eyes were empty of emotion.

This was the first good look Shikamaru had gotten of the apartment. The other two times he'd been in Naruto's apartment he was too distraught to notice the décor. They were standing in the living room of his tiny home. The carpet was old and stained. The paint on the walls was peeling and chipping. There was a light musky smell, most likely mold in the walls. The front door even had a gap that let cold air in and probably bugs as well. Naruto looked on nervously as Shikamaru's eyes searched his home. Shikamaru's eyes fell upon an old looking couch with a god awful floral print, with stains and rips on it. The same went for most of the things in his apartment. In fact after looking around you might think Naruto trash picked everything. Given the life he had, he may very well have done just that. Shikamaru frowned. He wondered how anyone could let a child live this way.

The realization hit Shikamaru that he was being rude. He quickly glanced at Naruto who was trying not to look at him. Naruto's face was a bright shade of red, most likely embarrassed by his living space. Shikamaru felt bad and wanted to apologize, but wasn't sure what to say. Not to mention he really didn't want to further embarrass the blonde. Shikamaru felt guilty again.

"Where do you want these bags?" he asked hoping Naruto wasn't upset.

"Oh, I'll take them. Thank you." he replied no longer seeming upset.

Naruto took the bags from Shikamaru grimacing slightly in pain which didn't go unnoticed by the protective brunette.

"Hey you alright?" he asked worriedly.

Naruto just smiled. "Yea I'm fine why?" he replied cheerfully continuing to walk towards the kitchen.

He watched Naruto struggle with the bags and followed him to the kitchen. By the time Naruto entered the kitchen he was in so much pain he could barely breathe. Even though he was struggling so much he still tried to hide it from Shikamaru. Soon Naruto was having trouble standing and almost fell. Shikamaru grabbed him before that could happen. Shikamaru guided Naruto to one of the rickety old chairs and forced him to sit.

"Damn it! You were hurt earlier weren't you?!"

Naruto clutched his side almost collapsing in pain. Shikamaru lifted up Naruto's shirt to reveal his abdomen which was black and blue from the attack earlier. The brunette gasped in surprise that Naruto had pretended to be fine all this time, with being so seriously bruised.

"Naruto! Why didn't you say anything to me?!" demanded the brunette a tad bit ticked off, but mostly worried.

"I didn't want to go back to the hospital. Besides it's not that bad. It'll heal by tomorrow." replied Naruto through pained pants.

"Really? You call barely being able to move or breathe NOT THAT BAD?!"

The blonde opened his mouth to answer, but only a pained whimper escaped his lips. Shikamaru quickly got some ice out of the freezer and put it in an empty bag that was on the counter. He rushed the ice to the slumping blonde.

"Here."

He quickly handed Naruto the ice and went to get him some pain medication. He hoped Naruto hadn't punctured a lung or busted a rib. He was beginning to seriously wish he'd at least scared the villagers for what they'd done to Naruto past and present. He looked at the blonde who despite being in so much pain was smiling.

Shikamaru managed to find a clean glass and filled it with water and handed Naruto two pain pills to take. Naruto shakily took the pills while clutching the ice to his abdomen. Shikamaru pulled a chair next to Naruto and sat down. He looked at Naruto's abdomen and noticed things weren't healing like the last time. He watched the blonde confused.

"How come you're not healing like before?"

"The more injuries I have the longer it takes to heal. I'm still healing from..well you know..."

Naruto stopped his sentence and Shikamaru already knew what he was going to say so it didn't matter. After a while the pain subsided and Naruto was able to move again. Shikamaru sighed, but this time it was a sigh of relief.

"Thanks."

"No problem, but you have to let me know if somethings wrong. How can help if I don't know?"

"O-Okay. Thanks. I will try." He replied, though Shikamaru had his suspicions he wouldn't.

Shikamaru looked through the cabinets as it was already lunch time and neither had anything to eat yet. He sweat dropped as he realized there was no food at all in this apartment. Every single cabinet was bare. Only one cabinet contained anything and it had a few mismatched mugs and two chipped mismatching plates next to which were some chopsticks none of which had a match. Shikamaru looked at Naruto, who for some reason wouldn't look at him.

"Sorry, I haven't gone shopping in a while." He replied ashamed.

By the look of the cabinets it really must have been a while, maybe even weeks. Shikamaru's mind raced trying to make sense of his findings. But that didn't make sense he was only in the hospital for a short time. Shikamaru turned to look at the blonde who fidgeted awkwardly under his gaze.

"Just how long is a _while_?" he asked with concern growing ever more present in his voice.

"Uh…well…I'm not sure." Naruto lied and Shikamaru knew.

Shikamaru moved to the refrigerator and peeked inside, and now he was beyond worried. It contained nothing except for a quart of expired milk which expired three weeks before. This was a problem. It looked like for whatever reason Naruto wasn't eating much. He frowned at his findings.

"Have you been eating?" his tone was even, but he was worried.

"Come on? Are you serious? Of course I've been eating." Naruto replied quickly, a bit too quickly really for Shikamaru's liking.

Naruto's voice didn't sound all that convincing. Shikamaru's eyes held sadness for the boy. He didn't understand why Naruto felt he needed to hide everything from him. Did Naruto not trust him? Well, even if that were the case Shikamaru couldn't hold it against him not after learning about the life Naruto has had. He just hoped in time Naruto would grow to trust him.

Naruto really hadn't been eating much at all lately. In fact he'd only eaten when he'd been treated to ramen by Iruka the past few weeks. He just hasn't had much money since his rent was recently increased. He could barely keep up with the payments anymore. He knew why they raised _his_ rent. The landlord simply hated him like most of the village, but he'd never tell anyone. He couldn't tell anyone, not that he could think of anyone who he could tell anyway. Naruto was always pushing for higher rank missions, and this was part of the reason. While his peers were using their earnings for fun things he was supporting himself. He desperately needed the money to pay his rent.

"Well this isn't good, what do eat besides ramen?" Shikamaru asked interrupting the blonde from his thoughts.

"Hmn?"

"You're out of food so I'm going to the store. What do you eat?" he asked again with a sigh.

Naruto's eyes flickered a bit before he turned away from the brunette who had no idea what he'd said to upset Naruto. He was so confused all he'd asked Naruto was what he liked to eat. What could possibly be upsetting about that? Shikamaru shifted uncomfortably waiting for Naruto to answer him. Naruto's hesitance to answer only fueled the worry in his gut.

"I pretty much just eat ramen." he responded indifferently.

"That can't be the only thing you eat?"

"I dunno I just really like it I guess." he grinned nervously.

It wasn't a lie but it wasn't exactly the truth either. He really did like ramen, but the real reason he always ate ramen was it because it was so inexpensive. Naruto was dreading that Shikamaru would ask for money. He tried thinking up a lie quickly, but nothing was coming to him and his stomach was retching he was so hungry. He wasn't sure what to do. All he knew was he thought he might pass out if he didn't eat something soon. Shikamaru took notice to the odd behavior his friend exhibited.

"Okay, what's really going on?"

"Huh? Nothing really." he waved his arms defensively.

"Please, don't make me drag it out of you. Just tell me what's going on."

Naruto avoided looking at Shikamaru while he decided what to say. His face felt hot with embarrassment realizing he wasn't going to be able to lie to him, not after all the help he's already given him. He wrung his hands together with his nerves. He didn't need to look at the brunette to feel his calculating gaze on him. Nope, lying was a bad idea at this point he decided.

"I don't have enough money for groceries right now." he mumbled finally meeting Shikamaru's gaze.

Shikamaru sighed in relief. His brain had supplied hundreds of reasons why Naruto was acting strange, and all them were way worse than being a little short on cash. He leaned back against the counter top as he felt the tension he was holding relax.

"Don't worry about that! Look, Tsunade-sama's been a real slave driver lately and I've got some extra cash so don't even worry about it." nonchalantly waving his hand in front of him.

"Really?" Naruto responded still dumbfounded that anyone would go out of their way for him.

"Yea, it's no big deal." Shikamaru replied with a grin.

"Thanks! I promise I'll pay you back next week no matter what!" he proclaimed loudly with that wide smile.

"There's no rush." he muttered cheeks dusted pink seeing the blonde's smile.

  
  


*

  
  


Shikamaru found himself smiling despite the mundane task before him, grocery shopping. Maybe it was because his thoughts were consumed by Naruto, that the task seemed much less daunting than usual. When he left Naruto was excitedly setting up a bug habitat. He couldn't believe Naruto was keeping that bug, but he guessed it was because it was a gift given to him by a friend.

The store was crowded at this hour and it took him longer to shop than he'd anticipated. He found himself in the middle of a two sided aisle with nothing but ramen. There was so much ramen that he wasn't sure which ones Naruto ate. Minutes passed before he decided to grab one of every flavor he could find. He grabbed milk, eggs, rice and some things he liked to eat. He wished he knew what other foods Naruto liked. He frowned noticing just how long it had taken him to shop. He walked swiftly back to Naruto's apartment.

He stifled a laugh at the sight he was met with. Naruto was fast asleep head on the table in front of the bug habitat. He tried not to smile as he scooped Naruto up and carried him towards the bedroom. It was the first time he'd seen Naruto's bedroom. He suppressed a chuckle at the posters on the wall and drawings that hung all around. The room was definitely what you'd expect of the hyper active ninja.

Surprisingly the room wasn't as bad as the others and the bed looked fairly new in comparison to all the other furniture in the apartment. The bed was in the corner across from the window. Shikamaru carefully placed him in his bed blushing violently as he did. He pulled the covers over him and left the room quickly before any intrusive thoughts could manifest in that brain of his.

Shikamaru ate some snacks and decided to call it a day. He yawned as he stood up stretched. He needed to go to bed, where would he sleep though? His mind wandered to Naruto's room, and he quickly dismissed that idea. Nope. His sights fell on the old couch and he grimaced, which only made him feel guilty afterwards. Shikamaru searched for some clean sheets and covered the couch and fell asleep.

*

Naruto jolted awake panting heavily with tears in his eyes. It was a nightmare. It wasn't unusual for the blonde to have bad dreams in fact he had them often. His eyes adjusted to the darkness as he took in his surroundings. He was in bed, but he didn't remember going to his room. His breaths slowed down and he rationalized Shikamaru must have brought him to his room. That thought sent a strange sensation in his gut, one he didn't want to dwell on. He had other things to worry about unfortunately. He had very troubling adult problems to worry about, things no child his age should have to worry about.

The rent was due in a few hours and he was still short, and in his current condition he was unable to work. He didn't have anyone who could loan him the money, not that anyone would help him. He thought for the briefest of moments maybe he could ask Shikamaru, but he dismissed the idea. This wasn't the sum of a few groceries this was part of his rent. He couldn't ask that of his friend. The rent was his responsibility. He groaned ruffling his hands through his hair in frustration. He was not looking forward to the morning. He hoped his landlord was in a forgiving mood.

Naruto laid in bed dreading the sunlight he knew would be coming in just a few short hours. He didn't know what to do and he had to pay his rent by 8 am. He was sure that this was another rule the landlord had just for him but he complied because the landlord promised as long as he was on time with the rent he wouldn't kick him out.

He dragged his body out of bed when the sunlight filtered in his window. His body felt like it was on fire as his muscles protested every movement. He lifted a floor board and pulled out a frog wallet and put on his best -everything is great face- before exiting the room.

He found Shikamaru barely awake sitting up on the sofa. His head was tilted back and he was staring up at the ceiling. Naruto walked over to him after seeing he was awake.

“Morning.” Shikamaru grumbled sleepily as he heard Naruto's footfalls.

"Sorry, I fell asleep before you got back. I was planning on taking the couch." he apologized his face strained.

"Oh no it's fine." He lied the couch was lumpy as hell and it smelled like cats. Shikamaru was starting to believe his trash picking theory, but he wouldn't let Naruto he slept poorly.

"Well I gotta go pay my rent, I'll be back in a bit."

"I can take it for you." he offered extending his hand.

"No, I'd rather take it. Besides a tenant has to be present, and it's on the first floor of this building, and I have a few questions for my landlord." he rambled his excuses, but they all seemed legit. “I shouldn't be gone long.”

"Alright, but please don't let me catch you out training. Tsunade has entrusted me to enforce your recovery limitations."

"I'm too tired to train right now anyway. It must be all the medication Tsunade-baachan's been making me take." he admitted and it was true. His body felt heavy.

Shikamaru didn't want to treat Naruto like a child, but he wasn't sure he was supposed to let him go alone. He frowned contemplating if he'd made a mistake. After a few minutes he decided Naruto could handle paying his own rent. He was going to be fine. Shikamaru finally settled back down after convincing himself Naruto would be right back and everything would be just fine and it wasn't long before the brunette lost in his battle to stay awake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys please excuse any minor mistakes, I've been really sick all week from severe allergies and have been popping benedryl like candy! That shit makes me drowsy AF. Lol.


	6. The Landlord

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: The characters depicted, settings, and some terminology in this fan work are the property of Masashi Kishimoto. The views and opinions of this fan based work in no way reflect the views or opinions of Masashi Kishimoto. This is a fanfiction written purely for entertainment purposes and nothing more. The author of this fan based work receives no profit gain in writing this.
> 
> This chapter contains rape. If you find this triggering please refrain from reading.

Naruto walked into the landlord's office pace as though he were part of a death march. Naruto trained his gaze to the floor as he walked avoiding the eyes of the man behind the desk. The man had a wide smirk on his gaunt face. He drug his hand through dark greasy unkempt hair. His narrowed eyes watched the cautious demeanor in which Naruto entered. His lips turn upward into a sneer as he waved at the boy.

"Ah, right on time Naruto-kun." His voice rang tauntingly in Naruto's ears.

Against his better judgment Naruto lifted his gaze to the man, who never looked at Naruto like he was a monster to be feared. No. It was much worse. He looked at Naruto like he was his _prey_. Naruto tried to swallow the lump that formed in his throat as his handed the money over. He only just suppressed a chilling shudder when the man's hand lingered on his brushing his hand delicately. He watched as his landlord counted the money. He shifted uncomfortably keeping his eyes on the hands counting his money. He was still holding on to the hope that maybe he could get an extension for the part that was missing.

“Oh Naruto-kun is there some mistake? It looks like you're short this month?” his tone was even, but Naruto knew not to build up his hopes. He knew not to trust the man's honeyed toned voice. He was just as insidious as the villagers, but pandering to him had become a necessary evil for Naruto over the years.

“I w-was wondering if maybe I could pay the difference next month?” he asked watching as he stood up from behind the desk.

“I'm afraid I must receive payment in full today.” he sighed almost sounding apologetic and if it weren't for the widening smirk Naruto might have believed his tone to be genuine.

“That's everything I have, please.” he pleaded trying to ignore the hand that came to rest on his shoulder.

“I'm sorry, but you know that's not our deal.” he shook his head.

“I c-can't do this again.” Naruto spoke through gritted teeth. He hated how tears began to collect in his eyes against his will. He hated the way his stomach clenched when the hand on his shoulder gave a squeeze.

“Is that what you want, to terminate our agreement?” the man asked with an edge of warning in his tone.

Naruto didn't know how to respond. It was an unwinnable situation. He chewed nervously at his bottom lip. He tried to ignore the hand slowly moving down his back resting just above his buttocks. Terminate the agreement. He wanted to so badly, but there were things much worse than this. He opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted.

“Very well then you have two hours to vacate the premises, and good luck finding another place to rent to an ungrateful child such as yourself.” his tone was callous and his hand slipped away from Naruto's back. He felt relief at the loss of contact, but dread immediately followed.

“I'll be keeping this money for all the trouble putting up with you has caused me.” he taunted holding the bills Naruto worked so hard to earn. Naruto couldn't contain the anger in his eyes or the scowl on his face.

“What? You expected me to return this?” he laughed waving the bills in front of him. “I've housed you since you were five years old out of the goodness of my heart, even though having you here has lost me plenty of loyal tenants. This money barely covers the trouble you caused, but because I'm such a _kind_ person I'm allowing this to wipe your debt free. Now go on clock's ticking, pack up your things.”

_Pack my things and go where?_

The thought brought Naruto screeching back to reality. He had no where to go, and he knew no where else would rent to him. He checked every apartment building in Konoha when he became a genin. He was stuck here or he'd have to live on the streets again. His eyes widened there was no where for him to go, at least nowhere he'd be safe. His hands trembled and he stared at the man behind the desk.

“Naruto-kun, didn't you hear me?” the man mock cooed getting into Naruto's space again. “It's time for you to go.” he pushed Naruto towards the door.

“Wait.” Naruto managed to choke out. “I can do it.” the words burned like bile in throat.

The man smiled wickedly at the boy knowing what would happen next and he couldn't wait. He eyed Naruto with that predatory gaze that made Naruto want to run, but he kept his feet rooted in place. He tried to remind himself that sometimes in life you have to do things you don't want to do to survive. He took in a unsteady breath and steeled himself for what was to come. He just had to do this one more time. He'd be back on missions soon enough.

“I wish we had all day,” he purred much to Naruto's disgust. “but unfortunately I have a lot of work to do.” he sighed staring expectantly at the boy in front of him.

"Transformation Jutsu." muttered the blonde.

“Oh excellent, you still remember my favorite form.” he grinned taking in his new form with lust filled eyes.

Naruto scowled as the man leered at him. His new form was a variation of his sexy jutsu. Naruto stood in female form before the landlord. However, this form was different than his sexy jutsu. This form was that of young girl not a woman. Her long blonde tresses curled at the ends. The blonde's eyes snapped open when rough hands pulled his wrists towards forward.

Naruto felt a cold heavy weight pressing in his chest as hands removed the clothing he was wearing. He bit back the urge to cry. He did his best to force down the panic, and get this over with so he could go home. He shivered as his pants were pulled slowly down his thighs. He let out a stuttering breath. Fingers gripped his chin forcing him to look the man in his hungry eyes.

"I'm so glad you learned this jutsu." he whispered against Naruto's ear.

Naruto scrunched his eyes closed trying in vain to shut out the tears as they rolled down his whiskered cheeks. Fingers dug into Naruto's hips as he was forced to turn around, and pushed forward into the desk. He grunted as his stitches made contact with what he assumed was the desk he couldn't open his eyes. His hands clumsily slid over the desk until he was able to push himself up enough to remove the pressure from his stomach.

Even though he was in female form it was still his body and it still caused him pain and shame. Every glide of a hand or tongue caused his stomach to retch. Every hot puff of breath against him made the bile rise further up his throat.

“Naruto-kun, are you ready?” he panted against Naruto's back.

_No, please stop_. _I can't do this again please._

His lips quivered and a guttural sob tore through him as he nodded, not that it mattered this was going to happen whether he responded or not. This way at least it felt like he had some control. Pain. Searing shooting pain. His eyes snapped open wide. It hurt so much more than he remembered. He vaguely wondered if it always hurt this bad before or if it was because he'd convince himself he would never have to do it again. He cried out as his stomach slammed into the desk again hard.

“Sssssshhhhhh, sorry little fox did that hurt? Don't worry I'll make you feel good.” he whispered into his hair changing his brutal pace to a slower more gentle pace.

Naruto bit down on his own hand to muffle the moans that were forced out of him. No. This was worse than the pain. He'd rather feel searing pain than this. This coil of heat in his gut or the way he feels a light buzz under his skin with each disgustingly delicate touch. No, he didn't want it to feel good. He couldn't bare to feel good from this.

“Let me hear you.” he insisted pulling Naruto's hand from his mouth.

The heat in his gut kept building and building, and he hated how he whimpered. He hated the way his body wanted this even though he felt like vomiting, even though he felt like dying. Filthy hands left goosebumps along his flesh as they slid around.

“P-please...stop.” he spoke shakily through gasps.

“Don't worry Naruto-kun, I'm going to make you feel better.”

_No no no no no! Please stop!_

He tried to yell but his throat felt tight. He felt like he was on top of a waterfall about to go over the edge. His stuttering cries were ignored. _Please stop,_ was his final plea before he crashed over the waves and plummeted. He tried not to moan, he really didn't want to let him hear it, but his traitorous lips let it escape anyway.

_Someone help me._

Pain, so much pain all of a sudden his gut was burning from being smashed into the desk repeatedly. The corners of his vision turned dark with each slam into the desk until he could barely breathe, barely see. He thought he was dying, and at first he panicked and struggled, but then would that really be so bad? After a few more times of getting the wind knocked out of him, everything stopped.

His vision slowly returned and he was able to push himself up. He cursed the way his limbs felt wobbly and weakened. The man ruffled his hair in mock affection earning a glare from Naruto. He raised a trembling hand to smack the offending hand from his hair. He paid his debt, he didn't need to touch him anymore. The man seemed indifferent to his hand being knocked away, in fact he was smirking at Naruto in what appeared to be amusement.

Naruto started frantically pulling his clothes on and dispelled the jutsu returning to his own form. He walked as quickly as his legs would allow to the exit. He could feel himself beginning to break down, and he wasn't doing that in front of _him_.

"See you next month Naruto-kun." he called out with a casual wave.

Naruto cringed and quickly exited the building slamming the door harder than necessary. He stood in the concrete corridor of his apartment building staring at his own shaking hands. He gripped them tightly into fists trying to stop them from shaking. He inhaled as deeply as possible in an attempt to calm himself before starting his long climb up the stairs to his apartment. He really didn't want Shikamaru to find out what he'd done.

He stared at his apartment door hand outstretched and frozen. He wondered if he could hold his composure in front of Shikamaru. He didn't think he could look at him in his current state, not after that. He was so ashamed and disgusted with himself. It had been two years since the last time he'd used his body as currency for his rent. He swallowed back the bile that rose in his throat. He pushed the door open in one swift motion even though he was terrified of the idea of breaking down in front of Shikamaru. His wide eyes searched for Shikamaru. He let out a sigh when he noticed the brunette had fallen back to sleep.

He quietly rushed past the sleeping brunette to the safety of his bathroom. His stomach lurched again and he vomited on the cracked tiles just in front of the toilet. He grimaced pushing himself to sit against the tub eyes closed breaths coming out in ragged pants. Heart thudding behind his ribs. Throat tight. Chest heavy.

He tried to rid his mind of hands moving along his skin or the sounds that spilled unwillingly from his lips, but it was all in vain. It all came spilling back in an instant, years of that man's touches both gentle and rough. He stifled a sob as best he could. It was just recently he'd stopped feeling like his skin was constantly crawling, and he'd forgotten just how filthy he was inside. Now, it all came rushing back.

_Filthy. Disgusting. Monster. Worthless._

Shikamaru heard the shower and woke up. He sighed in relief that Naruto returned. It would've been such a drag to have to go looking all over for him. The brunette drug himself off the couch and went into the kitchen to get some food ready. Shikamaru made enough food for two and waited for Naruto to come out of the shower.

He sat back on the lumpy couch and waited and waited. He shifted uncomfortably several times and glared at the clock though due to being broken was no judge of the time that had passed. He tapped his foot nervously wondering what he could be doing in there. His gaze wondered back to the no longer steaming cup of ramen, and decided enough time had passed he should to go check on Naruto.

Shikamaru tapped on the door which opened due to a faulty lock. Shikamaru was in shock as _that_ day replayed in his mind. He clenched his jaw trying to rid his mind of the memory. He tried really hard, but it was in vain as he heard the blonde's sobs from the opposite side of the shower curtain.

The brunette's heart stopped in his chest. He stood in the doorway afraid of what he might find if he went inside. He couldn't will his body into the room not matter how hard he tried. All he could see was Naruto stabbing himself repeatedly. The brunette fought the memory as he regained his voice.

"N-Naruto?" he called out voice wobbly with emotion.

No answer just sobs. Shikamaru hesitantly entered. His eyes surveyed the room. The first thing he noticed was the vomit on the floor. He grimaced. He knew that vomiting was a really bad side and could mean widespread infection. He frantically looked to the closed shower curtain. The shower was still running and the blonde was nowhere in sight. In fact had he not heard sobbing he'd think the shower was empty due to the absence of clothes on the floor.

"Hey, you okay in there?"

Still no answer so with a trembling hand Shikamaru grasped at the shower curtain and slowly pulled opened it.

Naruto was sitting fully clothes with his knees to his chest. Shikamaru stood shocked at the scene before him. He bent down next to the tub. Naruto's face buried in his knees didn't seem to register the brunette's presence. Shikamaru couldn't breathe somehow he thought nothing would be as haunting as that day, but this wouldn't be something easily forgotten. Some blood ran down to the drain most likely from Naruto's stomach. Shikamaru's tears rolled down his face, as he reached for Naruto's shoulder. He felt the blonde tense at his touch.

"Naruto...hey look at me."

Naruto shrugged the hand off his shoulder and shook his head as he struggled to speak. Something was seriously wrong. Shikamaru left his hand outstretched toward the blonde awkwardly hanging in the air near him. He watched in confusion as Naruto's shoulders shook with silent sobs.

"Please leave." His voice was strained as he pushed Shikamaru's hand away from him.

Naruto's cries became more violent than before. Shikamaru couldn't speak. His words caught in his throat and tears ran down his face. Naruto had really pushed him away. He asked him to leave. Shikamaru wasn't about to leave him like this.

“I'm not going anywhere.” he sighed settling down into a more comfortable position.

Naruto refused to look up at Shikamaru. He was too ashamed to show his face after what he'd done. He felt so disgusting and stupid. He pressed his face into his knees as hard a she could. It felt like if he stayed still and ignored everything around him, he could pretend it never happened.

"What happened?" he asked uncertainly.

Shikamaru shifted and reached into the tub to turn off the now freezing water. The way Naruto flinched and tensed did not go unnoticed by Shikamaru nor did the way Naruto shook with cold. Shikamaru left him to find some towels. His mind raced trying to figure out what the hell was going on. What would even cause this?

_'What hell happened this morning?!'_

He re-entered the bathroom with towels. Naruto was trembling violently with cold. Shikamaru tried to get him out of the tub but he just screamed for Shikamaru not to touch him and leave him alone. The brunette was worried for Naruto and his injuries. The stitches shouldn't be getting wet and he was sure they were soaked. Shikamaru didn't want to do it but he had no choice. Naruto needed to get out of those wet clothes.

“Naruto, please you've got to dry off.” he pleaded with the blonde.

“I can't please just go.” he whispered through tears.

“I'm not leaving you like this.”

“Please.” he whimpered.

"I'm sorry.” he mumbled forming hand seals. “Shadow Possession Jutsu."

He caught Naruto in his jutsu and made him step carefully out of the tub. The blonde stood reluctantly being caught in Shikamaru's shadow. His actions mirrored the brunettes. Shikamaru wanted to see how bad Naruto's stitches looked and it was the only way without touching him.

"Sorry Naruto." he apologized quietly.

Shikamaru lifted his own shirt which moved the blonde to do the same thing. The stitches were bleeding. He frowned letting his own hand fall, Naruto's hand fell too with a sob. He forced the blonde to walk over to him and he grabbed him releasing the jutsu. He only grabbed him to make sure he didn't fall on the ground. He wasn't sure what was wrong and didn't want him to get hurt.

"Get off me!" he spat pushing Shikamaru away, but his grip was tight on his shoulders.

Shikamaru was confused. Naruto was really beginning to scare him. He retracted his grip on the blonde, but kept his hands close hovering in case he fell.

"It's okay. It's going to be okay. I just need you to take off your shirt. Can I help you with it?" Shikamaru spoke in as calm a tone as he could muster.

“O-okay.” Naruto answered.

Shikamaru steeled himself willing the tremor of his hands to still as he peeled Naruto's shirt off slowly keeping contact to a minimum. He wasn't sure how much pain Naruto was in from his injuries.

The blonde dropped to the floor with a stuttering sob. His breaths were ragged and his eyes blown wide. He sounded pained or scared the brunette wasn't sure. Shikamaru shook himself mentally to first worry about the stitches as they'd gotten wet and possibly infected. The skin around the stitches was raw and red, with some blood seeping around them.

_Shit, that looks really bad._

“Naruto, you need to take off these wet clothes.” he stated making eye contact with the blonde watching his reactions.

“N-no...please. I can't.” he whimpered.

“It's okay. I'm going to help you.” His voice was calm and gentle.

Shikamaru wrapped a towel around Naruto's bare shoulders and laid a towel over Naruto's lap covering him completely. Shikamaru grasped Naruto's pant legs while holding the towel in place over his lap. He began pulling them off because he feared Naruto would catch cold if he stayed in wet clothes. Naruto's body visibly tensed and his eyes shot up and looked at Shikamaru's eyes with fear.

"Please stop." his plea sounded so desperate.

It was like a sucker punch to the gut when Shikamaru began to put the puzzle together. He recoiled as if burned. Damn it. He was supposed to be a genius. It took him way to long to recognize the signs. His jaw clenched tightly as watched Naruto helplessly. He really hoped he was wrong about it, but he had a feeling in his gut that he wasn't wrong.

Naruto hugged the towels to his body sobbing after breaking eye contact with Shikamaru. The towel around his abdomen was already spotting with blood. Shikamaru didn't know what to do other than to sit there with him. He didn't want to touch him anymore because it caused Naruto distress, but he couldn't leave him like this either. His chest felt like it was being crushed as he looked at Naruto. It was one of the few times he wasn't sure what to do.

"Naruto, please…its okay let me help you."

Shikamaru gradually tried to move closer, but as he inched forward so did Naruto in the opposite direction. He observed the tension in the blonde's body and the stiff movements he made. He sighed halting his movements.

_'He's afraid of me…'_

Shikamaru looked dispiritedly down at the ground. He found that again there was nothing he could do for Naruto except stay by his side. Shikamaru furiously rubbed his wet eyes with the back of hands. He could cry later. He had to keep it together for Naruto. Shikamaru decided to stay there until Naruto felt better since it was all he could come up with.

It took some time and many reassurances on Shikamaru's part, but the blonde finally calmed down. His breaths regained a normal pace and his shoulders had stopped shaking. He also seemed to be coming back to reality slowly. He still avoided eye contact with Shikamaru. He noticed Naruto's fingers gripped the towels around him so tightly his knuckles had turned white.

“Hey, you with me?” Shikamaru asked the blonde softly.

“Yea.” he responded with less confidence than Shikamaru preferred, but at least he responded.

“I'm going to grab you some dry clothes.”

Naruto barely nodded in response to Shikamaru's statement. His panic attack waned away, and he came to the harrowing realization that he'd fallen apart right in front of Shikamaru. He couldn't look at the brunette without tears welling up in his eyes again. He scrunched them shut as tightly as possible. He wondered if Shikamaru was mad at him for freaking out. His stomach flopped and his chest ached.

Shikamaru stood up causing Naruto to flinch at the sudden movement. Shikamaru felt like he'd been stabbed in the chest. Naruto was really afraid of him. He decided the best thing to do might be to just leave Naruto alone although it was killing him. He placed some clothes in the bathroom and shut the door and sat right outside. He was out of ideas. He wracked his brain for ideas and cursed himself. He was dubbed the best strategist in the village after his old man. Hell, he had no idea if he could look at Naruto without the guilt welling in him. He was so upset he thought he might vomit.

Naruto finally came back to reality and pulled on the dry clothes. Naruto rinsed out his mouth and placed his hand on the doorknob he hoped to slip past Shikamaru and hideaway in his bedroom for a while possibly forever. Naruto didn't think he'd ever be able to look Shikamaru in the eyes again, not after having a complete meltdown. He slowly opened the door only to walk into Shikamaru. He stared uneasily at the tears falling from Shikamaru's eyes. He really just wished he'd drop dead from the guilt and embarrassment. He knew Shikamaru as smart as he was most likely had a pretty good idea what had happened. Neither moved. Shikamaru stood frozen in the bathroom doorway.

"Are you okay?"

"Yea... I'm fine." he responded avoiding eye contact as he weakly tried to push past Shikamaru.

"You've got to stop lying to me, it's pretty obvious you're NOT okay." he snapped.

Shikamaru was startled by his own outburst. He watched as Naruto's head turned and misty blue eyes met his. His stomach clenched. This wasn't okay. He shouldn't have raised his voice, but it hurt to Naruto lying to his face. He watched Naruto open and close his mouth like he wanted to say something, but ultimately the blonde stayed silent.

"Did something happen at the landlord's office?" Shikamaru asked hesitantly.

He gauged Naruto's reaction. Shikamaru watched his lips formed a tight line and his body go rigid. He guessed by his reaction the answer was indeed yes something did happen. He kept his ground unmoving as Naruto tried to push past again.

"Please, can we just not talk about it? I-I just can't right now." replied the blonde biting back a sob.

Shikamaru sighed in defeat dropping his arm from his path. He knew he couldn't force him to talk about anything he didn't want to, or keep him there. Naruto stood motionless staring at him.

"I just..." Shikamaru started and fumbled with his words. “I would never betray your trust, so if you want to talk about it I'll listen, because we're friends after all.” he affirmed with a wobbly smile.

Shikamaru carefully wrapped his arms around the blonde shoulders. He left his arms loose at first giving Naruto the option to push away. Naruto flinched in his hold, but didn't move from the embrace. Shikamaru tightened the embrace feeling Naruto's shoulders shake again. Naruto's forehead rested on his chest. His face looking down at the floor arms still at his sides. Silent sobs shook Naruto's body and Shikamaru had to fight back his own tears as he fought to speak. “It's okay. Let it out.” he whispered.

Shikamaru needed Naruto to understand he wasn't going anywhere and he wanted to help him. He smiled when he felt the blonde gingerly wrap his arms around the brunette's torso. Naruto closed the distance between them and buried his face into his chest. He felt Naruto's tears on his shirt and felt the silent sobs shaking the boy in his arms. It seemed like an eternity that they stood that way.

As embarrassing as hugging Shikamaru and crying into his chest was Naruto couldn't help but feel warmth in his chest. He'd never had a hug like this before, and despite the circumstances it felt nice. It was something he'd watched other people do, but never understood why until now. He wondered how long he'd be able to keep Shikamaru around. His throat tightened, and the warmth abandoned his chest.

_Disgusting. Filthy. Worthless._

The words echoed in his mind souring the embrace. He shouldn't let Shikamaru touch his body. Naruto pushed out of Shikamaru's arms and dropped down onto the floor. He watched as Shikamaru lowered himself down to sit next to him in the hallway. He caught the concern in Shikamaru's eyes as he stared at him.

"Shikamaru…" he started awkwardly.

"Hmn?"

"I'm sorry you had to see that." voiced the blonde embarrassingly.

Shikamaru didn't know what to say, but before he could think of anything Naruto spoke again.

"It's not usually this bad." he conceded.

"What do you mean _usually_? This has happened before?" he asked unease clear in his tone.

“It's embarrassing to talk about it.” he muttered looking down at his lap.

“I'm not a gossip like Ino, I won't go blabbing your secrets everyone.” he assured the blonde leaning in closer.

"I was short on my rent this month...it's been so long since this has happened. I've been able to make rent with my missions earnings since becoming a gennin.” Naruto took a deep breath, and contemplated just booking it to his room. Before he could make up his mind whether or not to flee Shikamaru's hand gently rested on his shoulder.

“I'm sorry, I don't think I can do this.” he covered his face in his hands.

“It's okay you don't really have too, but I want to help you. So it'll be easier to help if I know what's going on...” he pressed the blonde for more details.

Naruto wanted to believe him. He wanted to trust him. He longed to have someone save him from this situation, but could it really be that easy? His fists clenched in his lap and the warmth from Shikamaru's hand radiated through his body. He wanted to open up, but he was scared Shikamaru would find him repulsive.

“Okay, but please, just don't think less of me.” he requested with tears in his eyes.

Shikamaru squeezed Naruto's shoulder. “I won't.” he spoke with such confidence in his voice Naruto actually believed him.

“I moved in here when I was little and before that I lived on the streets.” he admitted chancing a glance at Shikamaru whose expression was unreadable. He exhaled slowly and continued. “One night while some drunk guys kicked me around my landlord stepped in and saved me. He gave me this apartment, but I was too young to work, so he came up with an alternate payment method for me.” He dropped his gaze from Shikamaru's face. “I haven't had to use this alternate method since I started missions and honestly wasn't planning on ever doing it again.”

“What type of alternate payment?” the brunette asked. He had an idea but he wanted to hear it from Naruto, before he made any assumptions. He wanted to be wrong, because this is worse than he imagined. He fought to keep himself composed.

“It's not something you'd want to hear, it's not pleasant.”

“Say it. I can handle it.” he spoke with certainty even though he wasn't sure he could handle it inwardly.

“I let him use my body so I could continue to live here.” he blurted out eyes closed.

He waited. He listened to hear Shikamaru move, but he stayed right where his was. His hand still firmly planted on Naruto's shoulder. Naruto waited for Shikamaru to let go now that he knew how filthy he was. He held his breath. His chest felt tight. He sat motionless waiting for everything to be ruined.

“I'm sorry.” Shikamaru spoke quietly leaning his head down into Naruto's shoulder catching the blonde by surprise.

“N-no I should be sorry I did that.”

Shikamaru shook his. “No, I should have gone with you this morning.” Shikamaru voice was thick with tears he couldn't hold back any longer. He threw his arms around Naruto so hard he nearly knocked the air from his lungs. He squeezed him tighter. Shikamaru wasn't sure what to do. He was sad, angry and felt helpless all at once just from seeing Naruto this way and knowing what happened. He couldn't begin to imagine how Naruto actually felt.

"I'm sorry…" he muttered into Naruto's shoulder where his face was still pressed.

Shikamaru couldn't shake the feeling he could have prevented all this from happening if he had insisted on going with Naruto that morning. He couldn't imagine the pain Naruto must have been faced with. Shikamaru cried harder than he'd ever cried. Steady streams slid down his cheeks. Shikamaru was trying his best to comfort Naruto but he wasn't sure any of this was helping. Especially since he couldn't even stop himself from crying. This was so much worse than he thought. Naruto had been doing this since he was a little kid. God, this was so wrong. He forced himself to calm down as best he could, so he could comfort Naruto.

He felt Naruto's breath stutter and felt his body quake as tears overcame him too. His sobs ripped through him and echoed off the walls. Shikamaru rocked him slightly trying to calm him down. Shikamaru wondered if this was right. He never had to comfort someone like this before and he hoped he was at least helping a little. He felt like he was failing. Naruto was still shaking and the sight hit Shikamaru hard and before he could think the words escaped his lips.

"Naruto, I promise I will never let anything like _that_ happen to you again." he startled Naruto with his sudden oath.

Naruto looked up at Shikamaru with wide tear filled eyes. Shikamaru thought he'd die seeing the hurt look on Naruto's face. The way his nose scrunched and his lips tugged downward into a frown. It hurt.

"Can you really promise me something like that?" Naruto's voice sounded hurt like he doubted Shikamaru.

"If I make the effort to claim I'll do something I always do it." he explained lifting making direct eye contact with the blonde.

"I just don't understand why you care so much…I mean I did this to myself…I h-had a c-choice. I could have packed up and left." he mumbled looking away from the brunette's intense gaze.

He couldn't believe his ears. He pushed down the anger threatening to spill over. Naruto really believed what happened between him and the landlord was HIS fault and that he chose this to happen.

_'That piece of shit landlord I'm going to kill him.'_ Shikamaru thought bitterly to himself.

“Naruto, that guy is scumbag and this isn't your fault. Having to choose between being homeless or that isn't a real choice. Anyone in your position would have given in. He manipulated you.”

“It doesn't matter anymore.” Naruto pushed back out of Shikamaru's arms again. “I'm disgusting.” his eyes watered with fresh tears.

“He's the one whose disgusting coercing a child to have sex with him. I'm going to take care of him.” Shikamaru stated as calmly as possible.

"No." Naruto exclaimed sounding panicked.

"No?" he question disbelievingly.

"I don't want you to hurt him…please just let it go?" Naruto begged.

Shikamaru was at a loss for words. He just couldn't process the appropriate response for Naruto's response. He sat there silently as his words echoed in his head. This bastard hurt Naruto in such an harrowing way he couldn't believe Naruto was protecting the sick bastard. His stomach shifted and he thought he would vomit.

"N-Naruto why are you protecting him?"

“It's not like I don't hate him for what he's done to me over the years, it's just even though it came at a high cost he was the first person to keep their word to me. I paid him monthly and he let me live here safe behind these walls from the outside.”

  
  


"Naruto…" It was all the brunette could manage.

His stomach was sick with the thought of Naruto really being serious. He couldn't begin to feel the fear of a boy who would willingly give his body just to be safe. He sat motionless trying to process everything.

Naruto stood up and walked away. Shikamaru was trying to get a handle on the situation. Shikamaru just sat frozen in the hallway not sure what to do. What should he say? What could he say? He listened as the bedroom door closed and he heard Naruto throw his body on the bed.

None of this was fair. Naruto didn't deserve any of this.

Shikamaru punched the wall hard. He let his anger get the better of him. He wasn't sure if he should go to the blonde or kill the landlord. He really wanted to just leave and kill the sick pervert, but realistically he knew he couldn't do that. He didn't know what to do. He just sat there as if waiting for the answer to become clear. He had no such luck. He would have to figure this out on his own, but deep down he knew it would only cause Naruto more pain and it was the last thing Shikamaru wanted.

_Damn it._

He drug himself down the hallway until he stood in front of the closed door listening to his own heart beating. If he went in there would it upset Naruto? A closed door was typically a sign the inhabitant wanted to be left alone. He really didn't have a choice. He needed to take care of Naruto's injuries. The brunette turned the doorknob but it was stuck in place.

_Great the one lock in this place that actually works_.

"Naruto…please let me in…"

His plea to be allowed entrance into the room was met with muffled sniffles. Shikamaru rested his forehead against the door shadowing his troubled features. Tears leaked down the brunette's face and he wasn't sure about anything anymore.

Naruto lye in his bed hugging the covers to him shaking as he cried into his pillow.

_'What have I done? How could he still want to talk to me after all I've done? After all I've told him even though he doesn't even know the half of it. I've done a lot of things in my life that I'm not proud of but this by far has been the worst.'_ thought Naruto.

"Naruto…please…I'm sorry…"

Naruto ignored the voice from behind the door. He wasn't mad at him at all. He was ashamed and couldn't imagine looking at him right now. Naruto never truly wanted to die as much as he did now.

"Please don't be angry I'm sorry." Pleaded the troubled brunette.

Shikamaru listened in hope of hearing the lock click open, but again he had no such luck. He slid his back down the door knowing Naruto wasn't opening the door any time soon.

*Sigh*

Shikamaru sat with his back against the door wishing Naruto would just let him in. Shikamaru felt as though he was being torn apart inside, he longed to comfort Naruto. No one should ever have to live a life like this. It baffled the genius how something like this went unknown. No it didn't baffle him, it infuriated him. He strained to listen through the door. He wondered if the blonde was still crying.

Naruto's wounds were bothering him and he hadn't taken any of his medicine. The stitches burned and itched from getting wet. He tossed and turned groaning in pain. He tried to be as quiet as possible in case Shikamaru was still around. He'd already troubled Shikamaru enough with his problems for the day. The blonde's pain increased and he wasn't able to suppress the pained whimpers coming from his mouth.

"Naruto! What's going on?!" yelled a panic stricken Shikamaru.

Naruto didn't answer. He was in too much pain. He tried but his jaw clenched tight and his breaths were painful.

“I promise I'll fix it later!"

The blonde was confused but the pain kept him from doing much as the very last of the pain killers he'd taken and the last of the adrenaline had worn off completely. Before he knew it there was a loud crash and the door tumbled down and Shikamaru rushed into the room. Shikamaru could tell by looking at the blonde he was in some serious pain. Shikamaru moved closer hoping to look at the wounds to gauge the severity, but Naruto flinched at his touch and whimpered.

“I'm sorry.” he spoke through gritted teeth.

“It's okay, but I need to remove your shirt.” he said with hands hovering at the hem of his shirt waiting for Naruto to give permission.

He felt awful for forcing Naruto to do this, but if his wound was to get infected he could die. Naruto closed his eyes and nodded. Shikamaru gently removed his shirt. Shikamaru's heart died a little as Naruto flinched and whimpered under his touch, but it couldn't be helped. He carefully turned the blonde to lie on his back so he could examine his stitches. He tried to hide his grimace, but Naruto had to know how bad this was. He definitely could feel how bad this was.

"Oh Naruto…this is bad really bad." he gasped.

"I-I'm s-sorry." the blonde stuttered an apology.

"Don't apologize this wasn't your fault, but in any case you need to see a medic."

"No, please don't make me go back to the hospital."

"I promise I won't leave your side, it's just I don't think this is something I can heal."

"I really I just can't do it. I just...don't want a bunch of people touching me right now." he admitted rolling his head to look away.

It was then Shikamaru noticed how badly Naruto was shaking. It was clear that Naruto wasn't going anywhere. Shikamaru brought Naruto his medications to take and even brought in the ramen from earlier. He handed Naruto the ramen first.

"I'm not hungry.”

"You have to. You can't take any of these on an empty stomach."

"Okay I'll try."

Naruto was able to keep down about two good bites of food and he took his medicine. Shikamaru waited until the pain killers were working before he started to clean off the old wounds and spread an antibiotic ointment on them. He then wrapped the wounds carefully. He tried not to wince every time Naruto squirmed or flinched under his touch. It wasn't his fault.

“I patched you up as best as I could, but I'm not medic and if this doesn't look any better by morning you have to let me take you to the hospital.”

“I can't go to the hospital again. I hate it there so much.” his eyes pleaded for anything but the hospital.

“What about Ino? Would you feel comfortable if it was Ino healing you?”

“I'm not sure.” he answered honestly. “I'm not sure she'd want to come all the way here for me.”

“ She may be a pain in the ass and a gossip at times, but she's a good friend. I know she'd help you without complaint.”

“Okay.”

  
  


The blonde was exhausted from the day's events and his eyes drooped and his breathing seemed to slow. Shikamaru breathed a sigh of relief that Naruto was getting some rest.

Shikamaru covered Naruto with the blanket and left the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Sorry for the delay on this chapter, it was very difficult for me to write originally, and even harder to throw myself back into those feelings for the re-write. I hope I didn't mess it up, and I hope there aren't many mistakes.


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